She put her father’s wrongdoings past her but reached her limit when he brought his mistress-turned-wife on her 18th birthday. She then decided not to invite him to her wedding to get back at him!
Sinned Once and Once Again
OP (Original Poster), a 26-year-old woman, and her 54-year-old father have a bit of an awkward relationship, but he tries to get along with her. However, OP can’t trust him fully because he cheated on her 53-year-old mother twice.
The Fruit of His First Affair
She was three when her dad had an affair for the first time, which led to her half-sister being born. When OP was 18, her dad introduced them to each other.
OP wrote, “My dad didn’t get involved much with my half-sister because she is from another city and doesn’t pass any money to her mom. He still went to visit her a couple of times a year.”
No Chance for a Third Time
When she was 11, her dad cheated for the second time around while her mom was pregnant with her little brother.
Three years after OP’s brother was born, her mom found out about her dad’s infidelity and kicked him out of their home.
The “Dream” Dad
Back when OP was just a little girl, her dad appeared to be the best father in the world because he visited her daily. Also, even though they didn’t live together, he always looked out for OP.
But when OP’s mom got pregnant, her father’s attitude changed, and he started not to prioritize them.
On Rare Occasions
After OP’s father left home, he would only visit her and her brother two or three times a month. If they were lucky, he would take them out to eat and return them home right after.
Nothing for His Responsibilities
He also always told them that he had no money and had no desire to give more than $325 in alimony to OP’s mom. But in reality, he was spending his money on parties and his mistress.
Continuing His Betrayal
Things stayed the same until two years later when OP’s mother informed her that her dad was marrying his mistress.
OP wrote, “I am not temperamental, and I prefer to talk about things, so I decided to wait quietly for him to call me to talk and give me an invitation, but that never happened.”
Kept Her in the Dark
On a day close to her father’s wedding date, OP asked him if they could go to the theater, and he told her that he could not because he would be busy. With that, OP understood her father had no intention of telling her about his marriage soon.
Why Did You Keep It From Me?
Around six months after her dad’s wedding, OP asked him directly why he didn’t tell her about him getting married. Nervously and cowardly, OP’s dad told her that he didn’t know how she would react but that he could introduce her and her brother to his wife.
OP wrote, “I told him that I did want to meet her.”
OP thought her dad was going to set a date and that they would have a clear conversation about it with his wife, but she was wrong. Instead, as a surprise, he introduced his spouse to OP on her 18th birthday.
She said, “I was very uncomfortable, and so was my brother, but none of them said anything. I just knew that was the last straw, and I decided that I was not going to invite him to my wedding either.”
No Dad at the Wedding
As of sharing this story, OP was about four months away from her wedding to a wonderful man, and she is still keeping her word. OP’s mom asked her if her dad was going to walk her down the aisle, but OP told her he wasn’t invited at all.
Because of that, OP’s mother got angry and said she couldn’t exclude her dad from such an important event in her life, telling her to “let that grudge go.” Her mom also pointed out that she’s “not a child anymore.”
OP wrote, “She looked upset, so I started to consider whether to tell my dad, but he would still only attend as a guest.”
A Change of Heart
OP’s fiancé also thinks she’s “overreacting,” as he had always thought that OP was abandoned by her dad.
But now, OP plans to tell her fiancé everything, thinking he might understand her situation. OP also considers inviting her dad, saying, “While he was not the best father in the world, he did not completely abandon me; he just doesn’t know how to prioritize his life.”
OP not inviting her dad to her wedding was entirely reasonable, given what he did to her and their family. However, the community thinks she was wrong for lying to her partner about what really happened between her and her father.
A Redditor wrote, “Not the a**hole for not inviting your father if you don’t want him at the wedding. He was an a**hole for ‘surprising’ you on your birthday with his wife of many years at that point, who was his mistress and helped break up your parents’ marriage. He didn’t invite you to or even tell you about his wedding. He sounds pretty awful overall. His bit of showing up and doing part of the dad thing with you doesn’t erase all that.”
The same person added, “For lying to your fiance, you’re the a**hole. That’s a terrible way to start a marriage, and he should be rethinking, and you two should be in premarital counseling, with this a big topic.”
A Grown Woman’s Decision
OP is an adult capable of making her decisions, even if it involves not having her father in her life, and her mom doesn’t have the right to contradict that.
A commenter said, “Your mom is right: you are not a child anymore, so maybe she should back off because you made a decision. Not the a**hole.”
Another one wrote, “Not the a**hole. He wasn’t a child either when he decided not to invite you to his wedding, so I don’t see why your mom’s argument is, ‘You’re not a child anymore.’”
What can you say about the matter? Do you think OP should invite her father to her wedding?
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This post first appeared as Her Cheating Father Got Married to His Mistress Without Letting Her Know, so She’s Keeping Him in the Dark About Her Wedding. Now She’s Told She’s “Overreacting” and Acting “Childish!” on Quote Ambition.