She never told her husband about her high school boyfriend, who’s extremely close with her family. When the two met, she didn’t expect her spouse to make a big deal out of it!
Short, but Still Sweet
OP (Original Poster), 26, has been married to her 28-year-old husband for 2 years and has been in a relationship for a total of 4 years. She loves her husband more than words can say, and they never really had any major problems until the weekend before she shared this story.
High School Sweethearts
When OP was in high school, she dated a guy named Dan. She can’t remember how long their relationship lasted, but it was no more than a year.
If It Isn’t Meant to Be
They did a lot during her relationship with Dan, and many of their first experiences were done together.
However, because they both wanted different things, it did not work out between them, and they had to break up and move on from each other.
Past Is Past
Years after, OP’s 29-year-old sister ended up befriending Dan in college, and they became very close. Because it’s been long since their relationship ended, OP didn’t really care, and neither did Dan.
OP added, “He is very close with my family because he gets invited to so many of the family gatherings.”
A Huge Celebration
Then, the week prior to OP posting this story, it was her mom’s birthday party, which her entire family and their friends attended. Unsurprisingly, OP’s sister invited Dan.
Let’s Make an Exception
Usually, OP and her husband don’t attend birthday parties. However, this time, OP insisted they go as it was for her mother, and he agreed.
Oblivious to Her Life Before Him
Since OP’s husband works a highly demanding job, he’s normally unable to attend family gatherings. This means he has never met Dan, and OP never told him about their history.
In the Flesh
During the party, while OP was speaking to her family in the kitchen, her sister introduced Dan to her husband as her ex.
When OP came back, her husband seemed a bit off, and when she asked him what was wrong, he just brushed it off and wouldn’t answer her.
Why Am I Only Hearing About This Now?
At dinner, OP’s husband seemed distant, so once again, she asked him if he was feeling okay. He then quickly stood up from his seat, and he appeared to be upset that OP didn’t tell him about Dan.
With that, OP tried explaining that she didn’t feel the need to, but her husband didn’t listen. He absolutely lost it and started calling OP names that he had never called her before.
She added, “He even said he didn’t know if he could trust me anymore.”
Aftermath of the Scandalous Evening
Everything happened right in front of OP’s entire family and friends. Since then, she’s been ignoring him.
OP wrote, “He seems to feel very guilty, and he keeps trying to apologize to me. Am I the a**hole?”
The Community’s Pieces of Advice
Redditors think that OP’s husband’s behavior should be thoroughly checked and suggested that they get couples counseling to figure out what’s best for their relationship.
The top commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole. First, your sister didn’t need to introduce him as your ex or even mention the past relationship. It’s long gone, and neither of you even cares. She could have mentioned him as her friend or boyfriend. Secondly, his behavior was atrocious and should be discussed at length with a therapist. He’s obviously feeling insecure and realized that, yes, you did have a whole life and relationships before him, and your life didn’t just magically start when you met him. Thirdly, you need to figure out if you can forgive him and move past this. Is this something that will happen again and again, or will this be a one-off for him? Will the marriage recover, or will it be too hard to look at him every day?”
The same person added, “His behavior was horrible, and he really needs to speak to someone and find out why he reacted the way he did. You didn’t mention Dan for the simple reason that he’s not an important part of your life, nor was the relationship noteworthy to mention. Couples share exes, but not everyone does, nor do they need to. Your husband may be feeling insecure, but he’s definitely realized you had a life before him. Couples counseling could be great.”
Be the Adults That You Are
People said that even if OP’s relationship with Dan was long over, she still should have told her husband about him. They also agreed that her spouse’s reaction, although understandable, was unacceptable.
A Redditor commented, “Everyone sucks here. If you know your ex appears frequently during family gatherings, why would you not want to give your partner a heads-up? Even though you felt like it wasn’t a big deal, it probably seems like you hid it from him. Also, what will giving him the silent treatment accomplish? Your husband shouldn’t have reacted that way at all. He was wrong about that. Better communication might’ve resolved this.”
Another person said, “Everyone sucks here. The cold shoulder is immature. His yelling at you was immature. Especially him calling you names. He’s entitled to be upset. He’s not entitled to take that anger out on you in such a way. I get why you didn’t tell him about Dan. It was years ago, it was over, and you two have zero romantic feelings for each other. It probably didn’t occur to you because of that. But I also get why your husband felt blindsided. You two need to sit down and talk like mature adults. You should apologize for childishly ignoring him, but let him know the way he spoke to you is absolutely not acceptable.”
What’s up With Your Sister?
The community just doesn’t get why OP’s sister had to introduce Dan to her husband in such a way that would make him upset. Everything about it just seemed kind of suspicious.
“Not the a**hole. First of all, I don’t see why your sister felt the need to introduce him as your ex. It was a high school relationship; it was not like you guys were going to get married or something. Secondly, your husband is not entitled to know about every relationship of your life. He completely overreacted and became unhinged,” one Redditor said.
Someone else wrote, “No one is pointing out that the sister is the real a**hole here. Why on earth, after a decade, would she purposely introduce Dan as OP’s ex if not to purposely stir s*** up? And conveniently, while OP wasn’t in the vicinity to give the correct context.”
What can you say about the matter? Was OP wrong for ignoring her husband?
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This post first appeared as Her Husband Blew Up, Caused a Scene, and Embarrassed Her During Her Mom’s Birthday Party, Saying She Deliberately “Hid” Her Ex From Him. Furious, She’s Giving Him the Silent Treatment! on Quote Ambition.