This Redditor thought her mom’s offer came from the goodness of her heart. However, little did she know it was anything but!
The Person She Was Closest To
OP (Original Poster) is in her early 20s and lived with her dad while attending college. Sadly, her father suddenly passed away due to a car accident the year before this story was posted.
Financially Weighed Down
Apart from grieving the loss of her dad, OP also started to lose the home she lived in.
She wrote, “I was suddenly weighed down with a lot of expenses. I couldn’t afford to live there alone—I wasn’t paying him rent; I was offering alternative methods of payment like cooking, cleaning, shopping for him, etc., and on top of that, he didn’t have life insurance, so I had to eat the funeral costs.”
Her Mom’s Offer
Her mom and dad had a “nasty divorce,” but she stepped up and offered to let OP live with her “until she could get back on her feet.”
Because OP had to put college on hold until she could earn more money, she agreed and moved in with her mom.
Long Unemployment
Unfortunately, it was hard for OP to find work for almost six months. So, she did everything she could to pay her mom through other means.
OP said, “I did 100% of the cleaning, cooking, shopping, and other errands like going to the post office or calling for maintenance appointments. I also did both of our laundry and dry cleaning and made her bed and tidied her bedroom every day.”
No Room of Her Own
Though OP had access to the guest bedroom, she can’t say she really owned it.
Per OP, she was not allowed to decorate it, nor was she allowed to have any friends over.
No Privacy
Apart from that, her mom would barge into her room daily; she wouldn’t even let OP close her door!
OP said, “She would often demand my attention at any moment to rant at me about various things for several hours long. I had zero privacy and was essentially her handmaiden for several months.”
What Her Therapist Says
It seemed OP had already started looking into some therapists for help. Because of this, her therapist mentioned that something like a “narcissistic personality disorder” or “covert i*****” might be going on.
I’m Still Grieving!
During her stay with her mom, she would frequently badmouth OP’s dad in her presence.
It’s something that’s taken a toll on OP, especially since she’d already told her mom that she was still grieving and didn’t want to discuss her dad.
It’s Finally Time to Move Out!
After a while, OP got a job and could move out. However, it was not the end of her mom’s toxic behavior toward her.
She said, “My mom is now claiming I owe her rent for the time I lived there. We had discussed rent briefly before I moved in, but she never gave me a quote, and even when I tried to follow up, she never asked me for the money until after I left. There was no ‘official’ agreement.”
What Should I Do?
Because of this, OP isn’t sure what to do. She clearly can’t afford to pay her mom for rent, as she asked.
However, at the same time, she worries that she might be in the wrong if she doesn’t.
Friend’s Opinion
She vented to her friend and said she did not intend to pay. However, her friend was against the idea and said that OP would be an a**hole for not paying.
Her Logic
However, OP has a reason behind her decision. It wasn’t like she wanted to live rent-free.
She said, “My logic here is I was essentially paying my rent with my time and effort. Not to mention, yes, I had a bed to stay in, but I didn’t really have a room or any privacy.”
I Need Help
So, after everything, OP turned to the community for help.
She asked, “Can you guys help me out? Am I the a**hole? Should I cut my losses and try to save up to pay her back?”
The Community’s Pieces of Advice
Some Redditors were ready to judge OP as an a**hole just based on the title of her post.
However, as they read her story, they slowly realized it was not the case.
A top commenter said, “Not the a**hole. I cannot believe this. Based on the title, I was ready to tell you to grow up, get a job, pay your rent, etc., but here we are. She had never asked you to pay, and you did a genuinely helpful amount of the chores while you were there. She sucks a** for asking you for a back-rent out of the blue like this. F*** her. F*** her for being this s***** to you. You owe her nothing.”
As a Parent, I Wouldn’t Do That!
Users also exclaimed that they couldn’t do that to their children.
One said, “Not the a**hole. There really was no agreement. As a father, I’d have to think long and hard about demanding rent from my 20-year-old child in college. I certainly wouldn’t demand rent after the fact.” Another said, “OP is definitely not the a**hole. Legally, OP doesn’t even have to pay their mom anything since they did all of the chores while living there. I’d say the mom is wanting to have her cake and eat it too.”
Do you think OP should pay her mom rent? What advice would you give her?
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This post first appeared as Her Mom Made Her Move Into Her House While She Was Grieving Her Dad’s Death. Now She’s Suddenly Being Required to Pay 6 Months’ Worth of Rent! on Quote Ambition.
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