This Redditor’s wedding was fast approaching, and she hoped her parents would help since they’d covered all her siblings’ weddings. When her mom said they wouldn’t, she became angry and thought they were playing favorites!
Till Death Do Us Part
OP (Original Poster) is a 28-year-old woman engaged to a 31-year-old man with plans of getting married in 2024.
They’ve been engaged for almost three years. At the start, they had relationship problems and also needed to save up money to get married, which is why they had waited so long before having a ceremony.
You Have My Word
OP’s fiancé proposed in 2021, and everyone thought the couple would start planning the wedding immediately. Her mother pledged that she and her father would cover as much as they had for OP’s other siblings, which would be about $4,000.
She and her fiancé were thrilled at this news but knew that wedding costs could run way higher than $4,000, so they wanted to wait until they could afford it on their own. OP didn’t want to settle for less on her special day.
The Brady Bunch
Then, OP explained that she had a large family of seven siblings. Three of her siblings were already married, and her oldest sister, 36-year-old Jane, had been married twice.
Jane’s first marriage happened when she was only 21. At the time, Jane had no money, and neither had Jane’s fiancé or his family, so OP’s parents had covered the entire wedding.
After her, OP’s other sister and one of her brothers got married. That’s when OP’s mother set the limit at $4,000 for what they could pay for a wedding, which everyone was happy with.
Sometime later, OP’s oldest sister divorced and managed to find herself a new, wealthier man to marry. For the wedding, her sister demanded she receive $4,000 in assistance yet again for her second marriage.
OP’s parents paid for it without a single word of protest. After all, her parents always claimed that if her father’s business took off, they’d pay for all their kids’ weddings.
OP’s father had always been a self-employed businessman, and her mother had always been a stay-at-home mother.
Now that OP and her siblings were all adults and her dad had retired, her mom had started babysitting kids for extra money.
Recently, OP and her fiancé announced to the family that they were finally ready to get married next year.
Everyone was happy to hear the news, but her mom spoiled OP’s mood soon enough.
The first words out of OP’s mother’s mouth were, “You must know that, unfortunately, we can’t financially support you at the moment.”
OP was rendered speechless because she always assumed they’d make good on their promise.
It Isn’t Fair
She knew that her father had since retired from running a business and that her parents had debts to pay. That was why her stay-at-home mother had started babysitting in the first place.
And yet, OP couldn’t get over how unfair it all felt.
Left Behind and Forgotten
OP wasn’t upset that they weren’t getting the money from her parents so much as the fact that her siblings had always received far more support than she ever did. Her fiancé said as much to her in private; they’d been together for eight years, and he’d witnessed plenty in that time.
Never the Golden Child
OP had always tried to defend her parents, but her fiancé pointing out the obvious this time really hit her hard. As she looked back on her childhood, she couldn’t help but realize just how true it was.
All Expenses Paid
It had been the case with university studies, where her siblings were fully covered and even received an allowance. In contrast, OP had to pay her way through university after her dad claimed his business wasn’t doing well, and she had to get a full-time job at 18 to cover everything; her youngest brother, however, had gone to university to study medicine, and their parents had paid for absolutely everything, ranging from his apartment to his university fees.
OP’s youngest brother is only two years older than her, and now she’s started to wonder if maybe they could have afforded to pay for her university fees but simply had not wanted to. Her brother has always come across as the “star” of the family, the “clever child,” as he chose to study medicine while OP went into economics.
Can’t Even Drive
OP noted that this situation had even extended to her acquiring a driver’s license. She had started to obtain one at 17 years old in high school, but her parents “couldn’t afford” it, so she was forced to quit because she didn’t have any money of her own at the time.
To this day, OP still doesn’t have a driver’s license because it’s prohibitively expensive now, and her parents used to regularly ask her why she didn’t yet have a driver’s license until one day, she finally snapped and told them, “You were the ones who couldn’t pay for it, so that’s why.” This shut her parents up, though OP admitted that she felt awful to have hurt their feelings.
The Last Straw
She believed that the wedding was now the “cherry on top” of everything she’d gone through over the years and was left very upset. She wants to tell her mom how she finds it all very “unfair and disappointing,” as her mother is responsible for managing the finances, and she believes her father would possibly just dole out the money for the wedding without a word.
OP doesn’t think it’s right that one of her siblings had two weddings paid for; meanwhile, she’s left with zero financial support. On the other hand, OP also doesn’t want them to spend their “last pennies” on her wedding.
What the Community Has to Say
Redditors were fast to comfort OP and let her know she was well within her rights to feel slighted by her parents.
One user said, “It’s not about the wedding. It’s about everyone receiving support except for you. Whether this is financial or otherwise. I would be sad, too, if my parents were able to be there for others but not for me. It’s time to talk to your parents about this. However, make sure you have a list of examples prepared.”
“Definitely a case of favoritism here,” added another Redditor.
Others suggested OP start a conversation with her parents so they know how she feels about everything.
A top commenter suggested, “Not the a**hole. You should tell them what you wrote in this post, without any sugar coating, just how you feel this is unfair. Objectively, your whole situation—college, driver’s license, and now, wedding—-is unfair because your parents played favorites even if you don’t want to see it that way.”
“Stand up for yourself if you feel like you keep getting the short end of the stick,” said one woman.
Do you think that OP’s parents were playing favorites? Or do you think that OP is being selfish and overreacting?
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This post first appeared as Her Mom Refused to Fund Her Wedding, Although She Did the Same for Her Siblings. They “Conveniently Run Out of Money” for Her, and It’s a Blatant Case of Favoritism! on Quote Ambition.