This Redditor and her fiancé made enough concessions regarding OP’s (Original Poster) mom’s condescending behavior. However, her saying that she can’t support their marriage is the last straw!
Third Time’s the Charm
OP and her fiancé are finally getting married! They’ve been engaged for three years and have planned three weddings, but each one got disrupted somehow, and they’re hoping that this third one is the last.
Their first wedding got canceled when her fiancé got into a car accident, which made him unable to work for a year. Then, for their second wedding, the pandemic struck, and OP was hospitalized with pulmonary embolisms.
Keeping It Small
Because of this, the couple decided to have a “small, family-only wedding ceremony.”
Even if they wanted a small wedding, they didn’t want to go to the court, as they wanted to include their family and closest friends. OP wrote, “They’ve all been waiting for the moment as long as we have.”
Mother-In-Law and Son-In-Law Clash
Unfortunately, OP’s mom has “never” liked OP’s fiancé. The thing is, OP’s mom’s reasons are so “obnoxious” that you wouldn’t believe it was why she disapproved of her partner.
OP shared, “It has been due to things as obnoxious as him having a beard, and she didn’t like the ‘texture’ of the hair, so he had to literally shave it to be allowed to her house.”
Obnoxious and Horrid
OP noted that she was “well aware” of how “obnoxious and horrid” all these things were, and she’d already told her mom how horrible she’d feel if she were in the position of her fiancé. She gave her future mother-in-law as an example and said she’d be hurt if told something like, “Your hair is too long, and I don’t like the texture.”
Her mom, unfortunately, did not care.
Putting His Foot Down
After some time, OP’s dad had had enough, and he “shut down” her mom, saying how “disgusting” it was not to allow someone in their home because of their facial appearance or appearance in general.
A Bad Fight
During all this, OP lived with her parents. However, after a big fight with her mom that ended nastily, she moved in with her fiancé.
Perhaps it’s because of the distance, but OP and her mom have since “come to a peace of sorts.”
A Considerate Fiancé
However, OP noted that it was not because she needed her mom in her life. OP shared, “My fiancé didn’t want me to not have her around during things that mean a lot to me.”
The couple had had months of hearing nothing negative from her. There were no snarky comments, judgment, or hearing how OP’s fiancé could be “better.”
A “Lesser” Human
OP noted that before, her mom had been nitpicking everything her fiancé did—down to which bathroom he used. On the flip side, her mom treated all her other brothers-in-law well.
She wrote, “My brothers-in-law have been treated amazingly and loved, despite the fact that one has cheated and the other is constantly yelling at my sister in front of them. My fiancé has never raised his voice to me and has been completely faithful throughout our relationship. My mom simply does not like him because she views him as ‘lesser.’”
Wholly Selfless Guy
Her mom now claimed she supported them, especially since she could see the changes he’s made and the growth he’s had “over the past six years.”
OP shared, “Mind you, I’ve never forcibly exposed my fiancé to this horror. He enjoys coming around for my other family members.”
Unnecessary Hurtful Remarks
A week before this story was posted, OP’s mom had a total knee replacement, so she offered to stay over and help her out.
However, her mom couldn’t keep her mouth shut and soon upset OP. OP shared, “She made a statement about how she completely supports a commitment ceremony but doesn’t see how she can support a marriage.”
There’s No Place for You There
OP tried to remain as calm as she could. Then, she said, “Okay, thank you for your input. You do not need to attend any longer, and I appreciate you letting me know now so I don’t pay for your place at our spot.”
She had effectively uninvited her mom!
This Conversation Is Not Over
Her mom got “deeply upset,” but she told OP she didn’t want to argue with her while recovering.
However, she did tell OP that “a wedding is something a mother should be at, no matter the consequences.”
For Redditors, OP’s mom is a big bully who doesn’t deserve to be at her own daughter’s wedding!
One said, “Not the a**hole. If she can’t treat your fiancé with civility and decency and says she doesn’t support your marriage, she has no reason to attend the ceremony. Period.”
Another Redditor commented, “Not the a**hole. I don’t even have words. She wouldn’t let your fiance in the house with a beard? So he shaved it to appease her? I’m at a loss. Uninvite her, and don’t look back.”
All the Disrespect!
Users also couldn’t fathom how disrespectful she’d been to OP’s fiancé. Despite his future mother-in-law’s negative comments, OP’s fiancé was so gracious to OP, her mom, and the rest of her family.
A woman wrote, “Not the a**hole. Again, not the a**hole. She’s disrespecting your fiancé to a bullying point. Is there some deeper reason that she favors her other sons-in-law? Could it be a race, religion, or political difference that’s her problem?”
She added, “Either way, you are not obligated to have your mother at your wedding. Why celebrate something so special with a person who doesn’t care for the man you’re committing to love and spend the rest of your life with? It’s his wedding too, and he shouldn’t have to be worried about someone in the audience watching him with disdain while he’s trying to focus on you.”
Was it right for OP to uninvite her mom? What would you tell her if you were OP?
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This post first appeared as Her Mom’s a Bully Who Kept Making “Disgusting” and “Snarky” Comments About Her Fiancé, Insinuating That He Was a “Lesser” Human Being. So, She Banned Her From Her Wedding! on Quote Ambition.