Her brother’s wife can’t shut her mouth and stop herself from saying rude, inappropriate comments, and she won’t tolerate it anymore. If she wants to live by “the truth,” then so be it!
Several years before OP (Original Poster) posted this story, her brother got married to her sister-in-law, Shelly. She is the kind of person who will say something rude, and when someone points it out, she will tell everyone, “It’s true, so what’s the harm?”
Running Out of Patience
Things with Shelly have gotten so bad that even OP’s mother, her own mother-in-law, despises her and declines most events to avoid her.
A year prior to posting on Reddit, OP moved back home. During that time, she thought people were only being rude to Shelly or “overblowing” the things she says, but OP was wrong.
Welcome to Shelly’s Judgment Zone
The very first time OP got to really know Shelly was when she told OP that her outfit looked terrible on her, saying it wasn’t “hiding” her stomach. Then, when OP attended a party for a five-year-old and gave a bubble gun as a present, Shelly called her “cheap” even though the kid loved it.
The list of OP’s run-ins with Shelly didn’t end there; it was just the beginning!
Just Like That
Because of that, OP talked to her brother, and he told her Shelly is “autistic,” and she “can’t help it.” After that, OP talked to Shelly and told her she wouldn’t put up with her rudeness.
A Not-So-Happy Birthday
Come OP’s son’s third birthday, she invited the family. She didn’t want to include Shelly, but she also didn’t want to cause a problem.
So, ultimately, the invites included her sister-in-law.
That day, Shelly commented on OP’s house decorations, and OP just told her brother’s wife it was rude and to stop. However, unsurprisingly, it wasn’t the end of Shelly’s tirade.
Body-Shaming a Three-Year-Old
When OP gave her son a cake slice, Shelly made another comment, saying OP shouldn’t give him any because he looked “fat,” and that’s when OP lost it. Fortunately, OP’s son was distracted by his new toy, so she doesn’t think he heard what Shelly said.
The rest of the family did, however, and they were all shell-shocked by what was happening. Furious, she then told Shelly to apologize, but the rude woman just said it was the truth.
Deal With It!
So, OP told Shelly that she is “overweight” and that if she took care of herself more, she wouldn’t be fat.
She added, “This was the truth, and she is rotten on the inside, and her looks are just as bad.”
Leaving the Day Ruined
Afterward, Shelly was in tears and left. OP’s brother got angry and incredibly “p*****,” and she got called some names.
OP wrote, “Everyone is torn if I should apologize or not.”
The Community’s Suggestions and Advice
Some Redditors were worried about how Shelly’s comment might affect OP’s son in the future. It’s a good thing he was distracted by his new toy, but still, you never know.
“Not the a**hole. A comment like that can have a lasting effect on a child. My daughter, who is over 30 now, remembers a comment someone said about her looking fat when she was 8. She has never forgotten that comment. Having autism should not be an excuse for being rude and hurtful! If she can’t control her comments, don’t let her near your kids,” the top commenter wrote.
As a Person With Autism
For others, the truth of the matter is that being honest does not equate to being rude. Given this, one person with autism shared their thoughts regarding the matter.
This Redditor commented, “I might get some flack for this, but not the a**hole. If she truly lives by the mantra ‘Well, it’s true,’ then she should learn to eat her words. Why is it okay for her to act this way to literally everyone around her, but the second it’s thrown back at her, you’re the bad guy? She called your son fat, stating it’s the truth. You responded that she is also fat, which is probably the truth. Don’t dish it if you can’t take it, in my opinion. Time and a place and it ‘being the truth’ doesn’t make it okay. This really feels like an ‘I’m brutally honest, just deal with it’ kind of cop-out to act erroneously like an unfettered a**hole, which is not an excuse.”
The same person shared, “I am also autistic and struggle with social cues, but I still know when it’s okay and when it’s not to give unfiltered honesty. A five-year-old child’s birthday party ain’t it. Giving an unprompted ‘brutally honest’ opinion on someone else’s home decor is also not it. And it almost feels humiliating to find out you’ve been rude or offensive without meaning to. Anyone with autism I know, myself included, goes out of their way to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
Every Single One
A Redditor also recommended OP make a list of all the unpleasant things Shelly said and make her apologize for everything.
Someone suggested, “Make a detailed list of the rude, inappropriate things your sister-in-law has said to you and your family. Tell your brother that when his wife apologizes for each individual item on that list, you will be delighted to apologize for pointing out that she is overweight. Bordering on everyone sucks here but given that she said that in front of your son and her past history, I’m giving you a hall pass this time and going not the a**hole.”
A Silver Lining
Some people believe this could be good for OP because it’s better to have a life without toxicity than to tolerate it.
A commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole, and perhaps a blessing in disguise to be estranged from someone who is so toxic. She has insulted you and your family. All with no regrets or remorse. Why should you have any for her? Having a diagnosis is not a get-out-of-jail-free card to avoid being a decent human being. I would tell your brother that. And if he wants to cut you off, then you probably are better off there, too.”
What can you say about OP’s story? Was she wrong for putting her sister-in-law in place?
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This post first appeared as Her Rude, “Autistic” Sister-In-Law Called Her Three-Year-Old Son “Fat” During His Birthday Party. So, She Told Her She Was “Overweight,” and She’s “Rotten” Inside as Much as She Is Outside! on Quote Ambition.