This Redditor felt it was unfair that his adoptive parents would not help him at all with his college education. He never expected them to pay for everything, but isn’t this too much?
OP (Original Poster) is currently 17 and will soon attend college. He’s the youngest in the family but was adopted when he was four.
He shared that his biological mom was a good friend of his adoptive mom, so she adopted him after his biological mom died.
His New Family
In OP’s new family, he has three older siblings. They’ve all graduated college, and their parents paid for their tuition in full; they even funded law and medical school for two of his siblings.
He added, “They also gave them a stipend to cover living expenses.”
One day, OP talked to his parents about his plans for college and what help he could expect. He was surprised when they told him there “won’t be any help because they don’t have money left after they’ve paid for his siblings’.”
You’re on Your Own
OP said he wasn’t expecting a similar level of support, but he did expect to receive some help.
However, his adoptive mom told him that his biological mom didn’t leave him any money for college, so he’ll be “on his own.”
Is It Really About Money?
OP couldn’t believe that the issue was just about money. So, he confronted them and asked them if they weren’t supporting him because he was adopted and not their real son.
Tons of Excuses
His adoptive parents tried to make excuses for themselves and told OP they had genuine reasons behind their decision.
He wrote, “They were offended but reassured me that they genuinely can’t afford it after they purchased a condo for my sister earlier this year, and it takes a few years for their finances to recover, so it’s just my bad luck that this has coincided with me going to college and there’s nothing they can do now.”
Not Buying It
However, OP called them out; he didn’t believe their explanation because he was sure they wouldn’t do that to him if he were their biological child.
His adoptive dad then told him he was acting in “an entitled way” and instead, he should learn that people “don’t always get what they want.”
Open Your Eyes to Reality!
His adoptive dad even tried to make him see what happened in “reality” and said that most parents couldn’t fund their kids’ college tuition.
He again reiterated that OP was acting like he was “entitled” since he wanted a “tuition-free college.”
Not My Point
Even so, OP was adamant that the money was not his main point. He said he wanted to bring up being “treated unfairly compared to his siblings.”
Just Accept Our Decision!
His adoptive parents didn’t give in. Ultimately, they told OP they didn’t need his “permission or approval” to support their kids.
He was told that he just needed to accept that this was their decision.
OP was understandably hurt by what had happened. He shared, “I said, in that case, they also need to accept that I believe I’m being treated differently because I’m adopted, and their answers have not been convincing.”
Then, his adoptive parents accused him of being an “entitled brat!”
Was I Wrong?
What OP did was call out the unfair treatment he’d been receiving because he was adopted. Though there’s nothing wrong with this, OP still reflected on his actions.
Was he wrong to do so?
What the Community Has to Say
People wanted to comfort OP and say that he didn’t do anything wrong. They also agreed that his adoptive parents were being unfair.
A top comment was, “Not the a**hole; if they were helping with college and housing for their other kids, they should’ve budgeted in a way that there would be some left for you. I don’t think you are entitled for assuming that you would get the same treatment as your siblings.”
Why Did They Even Adopt You?
Some Redditors were heartbroken by how OP’s adoptive parents treated him.
“Why adopt a kid to do that? I’m sorry. Genuinely, that broke my heart,” said one user. Another wrote, “Ask them why they adopted you if they never planned on treating you like their actual child.”
What to Do
The community also tried to give OP advice to help him move forward.
One said, “The best thing to do, if possible, is to move out of the parents’ house, become independent, and go to community college via loans. As soon as possible, get yourself declared an independent student. I’m not sure how long it takes to do that, I did it myself, but that was a long time ago. You may then be able to transfer to a four-year college for the last two years and get some decent financial aid. Your adoptive parents really don’t see you as the same as their biological kids, so the best thing is to get out ASAP so their finances don’t hold you back.”
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This post first appeared as His Adoptive Parents Refused to Fund His College Tuition, Even When They Paid for His Three Siblings’ Fees. They Said He’s on His Own Because His Biological Mom Left Nothing! on Quote Ambition.