She was heartbroken when she discovered her biological parents tried to contact her, but her adoptive family refused. Blinded by anger, she decided to uninvite them from her wedding and end their relationship!
To Tie the Knot
OP (Original Poster) is a 30-year-old woman who was getting married to her fiancé soon after she posted this story.
She was only a baby when she was adopted by her adoptive parents, who are in their 50s. They did their best to raise and support her through college, and they’ve always had a good relationship.
OP said, “I obviously love them.”
Those Who Gave Her Up
Back at the time when she was 23, OP decided to look for her biological parents and found out that they were only teenagers, specifically 14, when they had her. They are still together and have two more kids.
According to her biological parents, they wanted to keep her. Still, they could not raise her, so they put her up for adoption.
A Shocking Revelation
Apparently, during her childhood and teenage years, they tried to contact her adoptive parents to have a relationship with her, but they refused. This deeply hurt OP.
With what she found out, OP confronted her adoptive parents, and they said they were afraid that she might prefer her biological parents over them. That’s why they tried to keep them away.
OP wrote, “I was hurt and disappointed and decided to go low contact. Over the years, we managed to build a better relationship, but it’s not like before.”
Her Obvious Choice
So, for her wedding, OP decided to ask her biological father to walk her down the aisle, and, of course, he said yes. When her adoptive parents learned about it, they were hurt, saying their worst fear had become a reality.
Unbothered by the Threat
Then they told OP that if she insists on putting her biological parents before them, she shouldn’t invite them to the wedding.
OP wrote, “My answer was that they are not invited then. Since then, all my adoptive family have been calling me an a**hole.”
Stop Stealing What’s Ours!
Eventually, OP talked to them and suggested that both her dads could walk her down the aisle. However, her adoptive parents refused, saying they did all the “hard work” and shouldn’t have to “share” that spot.
OP wrote, “I told them that I will give them a couple of days to think about it.”
It Was Good While It Lasted
In an update, OP stated that her adoptive parents had been officially uninvited from her wedding, and she decided to cut off contact with them.
She said, “It was an emotional conversation. We cried the whole time, but I think it’s for the best.”
It’s Just Not Possible
Then, they asked her if she could contact them again once she had a child. OP noted that they won’t have any other grandchildren since she’s their only kid.
But OP said she doesn’t think it’s a good idea and doesn’t know how that could work. With that, OP’s adoptive parents got mad at her, and she says she can understand why.
Barring Contact From Future Grandkids
She then told them that allowing them to communicate with her future child would require contact and that they could discuss it if they ever talk again.
OP wrote, “They said I’m ungrateful; well, a lot of people have said that. I guess I am. That I deprived them of any chance for children or grandchildren because they can no longer have kids or adopt.”
New Pages to Write On
After that, things have gone terribly. OP doesn’t think there’s still a possibility to salvage their relationship.
She said, “I’m sad but also happy for the new chapter of my life that is about to begin. Best wishes to everyone!”
Redditors’ Two Cents
People on Reddit are confused about why OP acted that way and questioned her decisions. For them, her real parents are her adoptive parents, and they’ve done nothing wrong except not telling her about her biological family.
A Redditor wrote, “Adoptive parents? They are your parents. Your biological parents have no rights here, and what your adoptive parents did was in your best interest, not theirs. Get that into your head. Your dad should be walking you, not your biological father.”
Another person said, “This ain’t real. Your parents raised you, and all they did was not tell you your parents had reached out. That ain’t grounds for this. They were afraid you would do exactly what you have done. Were they bad parents or treated you wrong somehow? I still don’t see why you want someone who was never in your life until you were an adult, who never put in any of the work raising you, to walk you down the aisle. Seriously, aside from preventing your biological parents from reaching out, what did they do to you?”
Don’t Get Swayed
Some people agreed with and supported OP’s decision. As they see it, OP’s adoptive parents were controlling, and OP should not change her mind because someone else says so.
A commenter said, “I’m really happy that you tried to talk things through with them and come to a conclusion on what to do, even if it was a painful one. Based on everything you have shared with us about your situation, I feel like your adoptive parents are being very manipulative as they did not tell you about your biological parents and the whole grandchild card, which is a very cheap trick.”
The same person wrote, “Don’t let random people on the internet who clearly haven’t taken into account all of the information you have given us and think they have the moral high ground over you make you go back on your decision. Stick to your guns and stand your ground. I hope you have a wonderful wedding!”
A Parent’s Perspective
Even adoptive parents joined in the discussion and shared their points of view on the matter.
One parent wrote, “Adoptive mom here, and I fully support your decisions. I’m sorry the internet is so filled with judgmental jerks who don’t have even the first understanding of what your life has been like. Knowing your biological family was your right, and they took it from you for their own selfish ‘needs.’ Those connections are important for your own self-image, self-esteem, etc. I wish they could have realized that real love multiplies, so your biological parents were no threat to them.”
She added, “I’m so glad you found your biological parents and that you were able to create a great relationship with them. I hope you continue to grow those biological connections. Again, you have so much support in the community that matters among other adoptive parents and adoptees. Congrats on getting married. I hope it’s everything you dreamed of!”
Was OP wrong for choosing her biological parents over her adoptive ones? Did she make things worse by cutting off contact with them?
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This post first appeared as She Banned Her Adoptive Parents From Her Wedding After They Refused to “Share the Spot” With Her Biological Ones. Now They Say She’s Being “Ungrateful” for All Their “Hard Work!” on Quote Ambition.