This Redditor just wanted to put his past behind him, especially on his wedding day. However, his mom wouldn’t let him let go of his late wife that easily!
His Late Wife
OP (Original Poster) was previously married. Unfortunately, his wife passed away six years before this story was posted.
Even so, she was a big part of his life. They dated for four years and were married one year before her passing.
Close to His Family
His mom adored her late daughter-in-law, and sadly, it seemed like she was never able to get over her death.
OP shared, “My mom loved her as a daughter since I’m her only child, and I guess she never truly recovered.”
The Love of His Life
OP loved his late wife. However, after meeting and spending time with his current wife, he said she was sure his late wife was “not the love of his life.”
She’s Against Their Relationship
Sadly, OP’s mom “never liked” his relationship with his current wife, Helena.
OP wrote, “She thinks I moved on ‘too fast’ and refuses to believe or admit that my love for my Helena is bigger and truer than the one I had for my late wife.”
Crossing the Line
In fact, there were more than a few times before OP and Helena’s wedding wherein he believed his mom had already “crossed the invisible line.”
However, Helena, desperate to be accepted, let everything pass. She even asked OP not to do anything.
Constant Comparison
OP’s mom made nonstop comments and comparisons about his first and second weddings.
He explained, “We married young, and I couldn’t afford lots of big things. With Helena, I’m financially stable, and I was capable of having a big, beautiful wedding.”
Inviting a Part of His Past
On several occasions before OP and Helena’s wedding, his mom asked if she could invite his former in-laws. She said it was “an act of love” and his way of telling them he was still there for them, but he refused.
There’s No Reason To
OP didn’t want to reminisce about the past. He hadn’t talked to his former in-laws in years and had “no reason for keeping them in his life.”
Holding On to the Past
Even with OP’s refusal, his mom was adamant about inviting them. Helena even said that if OP wanted them to be present, it was okay with her.
However, OP still didn’t want to have them there. He said, “I felt like my mom had held onto my previous marriage too hard, refusing to let go and inviting me to do the same.”
Looking Forward
For OP, it was time to move forward with Helena.
He wrote, “As bad as it sounds, I was done. I want to be with Helena without the burden of always having my ex-in-laws there, watching the life her daughter and I did not have.”
Making Him Furious
On his wedding day with Helena, his mom had the audacity to actually show up with his former in-laws. She effectively went against OP’s wishes, even when, on numerous occasions, he refused to invite them.
OP said, “I asked what they’re doing there, and they, very ashamed, said that my mother had invited them, and they thought it was okay.”
She Kept Insisting
His mom said they were still his “family,” and he had a “duty” toward them. OP was furious but told his former in-laws they could stay for the reception “to avoid comments.”
He apologized and explained that he didn’t invite them. However, he did not show the same graciousness toward his mom.
Get Out!
OP looked at his mom and said, “You’re not allowed to stay—to anything. Leave. We will talk later.” She immediately started crying and begging OP to let her stay, but he wouldn’t budge.
In the end, his mom and his former in-laws left together.
That Was a Bad Move!
Unexpectedly, his dad, who had been divorced from his mom for 15 years, approached him. Then, he called OP an a**hole!
It seemed like OP was shocked and did not expect this kind of reaction. What did he do wrong?
Redditors’ Two Cents
Some Redditors have mixed reactions to the way OP handled things.
One said, “Judging just on the wedding situation, not the a**hole. But you do sound kind of callous speaking about your late wife like that, almost like it was convenient that she passed so you could move on to find your ‘true love.’ Both you and your mom need therapy. And OP, you did need to treat your ex-in-laws better. They were unwittingly brought into this situation by your mom and had no idea.”
Another user disagreed with some of what this person said and replied, “Hard disagree that he sounds callous! He sounds fine. His mother is holding on to grief and using her belief that her feelings are the ‘right’ feelings to pull the OP back into the past. I agree that since he did not maintain a connection with his late wife’s parents, it’s awkward to invite them to the wedding. It would be totally, utterly different if they were married longer before his late wife’s passing, if there were kids involved, and if the OP had maintained a connection—but none of these things happened. Not the a**hole.”
Who do you think was wrong in this story? Could OP have handled things better?
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This post first appeared as His Mother Tried to Sabotage His Wedding by Inviting His Former In-Laws to Remind Him of His Late Wife. He Saw Red and Kicked Her Out! Was He Too Much? on Quote Ambition.
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