She attended a German wedding for the first time, wearing her best outfit per the dress code. It angered the bride’s mother, but how was she supposed to know it was too much?
Life in Germany
OP (Original Poster), a 27-year-old Black African woman, has been living and working in Germany because of a temporary arrangement. During her time there, she became quite friendly with a colleague, who’s a 60-year-old woman, and was invited to her daughter’s wedding.
A New Experience
She was excited about attending a “White wedding” for the first time, and she asked if there was a dress code or a color scheme since it wasn’t mentioned on the invitation.
She was then told that the code was “dress to impress,” and that’s what she did.
Her Best Indeed
On the day of the wedding, she put on her traditional wear, which was gorgeous and obviously not German. The fabric was green, so she thought there wouldn’t be any problem.
She received many compliments and questions at the wedding, which she downplayed as it wasn’t her day.
A Sudden Change in Behavior
However, she soon noticed that her colleague seemed colder than usual. OP didn’t pay it any mind, though, since she could be preoccupied as the bride’s mother.
Bride Pride
On the other hand, the bride was completely rude to her, but OP gave her grace. She congratulated and thanked her for the invitation but only got a blank expression in response.
A Quiet Attendee
As the music wasn’t really her vibe, OP just kept to the edges of the room and observed how European weddings are. After five hours of being there, she left around 8:00 PM and went home before the wedding was done.
Talk of the Town
When Monday came, OP was welcomed with whispers as she walked into the office. She noticed that people were acting very strange and more reserved than usual.
An office friend then suddenly pulled her aside and told her that the bride’s mother was furious.
Her Best Is What Others Detest
Apparently, her wedding outfit was too “extravagant,” “over the top,” and “inappropriate.”
OP wrote, “I drew attention from the bride and commandeered the room. I was ‘rude’ and ‘disrespectful.’ She’s told people all about it.”
This Calls for a Confrontation
So, OP approached her 60-year-old colleague to have a conversation, but she said she had nothing to say to OP.
OP wrote, “I asked her why she has something to say to everyone else about me but not to me, and she calls me an ‘insolent child.’”
Following Instructions
She then explained to people who scolded her that it was her first time attending a “White people wedding” and that she specifically asked what she should wear and followed the guidelines.
Cultural Differences
In OP’s home country, there’s no such thing as “outshining” the bride. Weddings there are a fashion show and an opportunity to wear one’s best and brightest clothes.
She wrote, “They told me this isn’t Africa, which was racially coded, and people here have manners. I laughed and told that person to go to hell, so she’s telling people I lack remorse for my behavior.”
Getaway Gateway
Now, as OP updated her post, she was about to board her flight. Since someone told her to return to her country, she’s doing just that.
Additional Information
OP’s at peace knowing she was not the a**hole in this story. However, she does acknowledge the fact that she could have inquired further or done some more research.
Redditors’ Thoughts
Some people think the bride’s mother was to blame for inviting people to a wedding that wasn’t hers. On the other hand, some also believe that is common, and the only problem was that the mom assumed OP would dress according to German culture.
The top commenter wrote, “The mother is at fault here not only for being a gossip and for giving you bad advice but also for inviting you to her daughter’s wedding. The couple should be inviting people. Not the a**hole.”
Another person added, “Did the couple take issue with the mom’s coworkers coming? It’s very likely that they knew ahead of time from arranging the seating. I think the only problem is that the mom assumed that OP would osmose the culture of German weddings, as opposed to providing her real guidelines. OP is absolutely not the a**hole, and the mom owes her an apology for blaming her instead of taking responsibility for her own oversight.”
An Immigrant’s Point of View
Someone shared the same sentiment as OP and the same culture.
A Redditor shared, “Hi, as an immigrant from Eastern Europe, I do not understand ‘outshining’ the bride either. So, for my first American wedding years ago, I also put on my best and was way overdressed. I could not imagine not donning my best clothes. I have married someone from Southeast Asia, and in both of our cultures, you simply cannot ‘outshine’ the bride. You can wear the shiniest jewelry, and the bride will show up wearing a whole chandelier!”
The same person added, “Do not take this to heart. Your colleagues appear very small-minded. However, if they proceed with inappropriate comments, contact Human Resources. Not the a**hole.”
Expressing Sympathy
A Redditor said that OP’s officemates were highly unprofessional in bringing such a petty topic at work.
“Not the a**hole, and I’m sure your outfit was beautiful. You asked for the dress code, and you dressed accordingly. Bringing this issue at work is absolutely unprofessional, and all your staring colleagues should look in the mirror first. Seriously, are you working with preschoolers? Well, probably not. They would be happy with anyone wearing bright and colorful outfits. You did nothing wrong. I’m sorry you work in such a toxic environment,” one Redditor wrote.
Was OP wrong for dressing gorgeously at a wedding? Don’t you think she followed the rules and the dress code?
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This post first appeared as She Attended Her Colleague’s Daughter’s Wedding Wearing a Bright Green Traditional African Dress. Now Everyone’s Furious, Saying She’s an “Insolent Child” for Wearing Something “Too Extravagant” and “Outshining” the Bride! on Quote Ambition.
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