Her stepmom tried to give her relationship advice, expressing concerns that she was marrying her former friend’s ex. Who was she to give advice when she’s just a woman her dad had an affair with?
Her First Heartbreak
OP’s (Original Poster) father cheated on her mom when she was 14, and she was the one who found out about the affair. Now, she knew that her mother was a narcissist and her parents’ relationship was already failing.
Still, she believed those things did not excuse her dad for the pain he had caused her and her mom.
Aversion to Homewreckers
When OP was 16, her mother died, and she had to move in with her dad and his new wife.
OP wrote, “I literally can’t stand this woman, not just because she’s my dad’s affair partner, but because she continues to try to take my mom’s place. I moved out at 19 and never went back.”
Marrying Her Friend’s Ex
At the age of 29, OP’s fiancé proposed to her. She’s happy now, but it wasn’t always this way. OP admitted that their relationship was a scandal when it started, as he was her best friend’s ex.
OP noted, “She cheated on him. I found it so repulsive, and I told him about it the second she confessed it to me. I dialed him right in front of her and told her that she was disgusting.”
An Unexpected Romance
After that, she cut her former best friend out of her life and supported her ex-boyfriend as a friend. No less than two years later, romantic feelings started to develop between them, and they started dating.
In October 2021, he proposed to her, and they have been together for five years.
A Dad’s Gift to His Daughter
The weekend before OP shared this story, her dad and stepmom took her dress shopping. She clarified that they were not paying for anything at the wedding, but her father wanted to buy her wedding dress as a present.
She added, “I’m not going for a huge expensive gown, which my stepmom disapproves of. So, there was already tension because I wasn’t taking her advice.”
Just Casual Talk—or Not!
During lunch, her stepmother initiated a conversation about how her relationship started, saying she was concerned that OP was marrying her former friend’s ex. Then, OP told her that she and her fiancé didn’t intend to start dating, and it just happened “naturally.”
The So-Called “Girl Code”
However, her stepmom wouldn’t drop the subject, telling her that it was the third time she had broken the “girl code,” namely, dating her friend’s ex and outing the affair. That’s when OP looked at her dad, who was trying to busy himself with anything but the conversation.
Then, OP looked straight at her stepmother and said, “No, you broke the morality code by going after a married man. She broke it by cheating on her boyfriend. I’m sorry, I don’t condone being a homewrecking w****.” She then immediately got the bill, paid, and left.
It Takes Two to Tango
Later that day, her dad called and went off on her, saying that her stepmom was crying and told her she was not looking at the whole picture. OP then said that her stepmother was right and that she shouldn’t dismiss the fact that her father was also a “homewrecking a**hole;” putting the blame on her dad’s wife alone was wrong.
Afterward, OP Venmoed her dad the money for her dress and then uninvited him and his wife from her wedding. She told them, “Maybe it isn’t the best place for homewreckers.”
Those Who Mattered
For that reason, half of her paternal family threatened not to attend. Although she was a bit hurt, the people who mattered to her were still planning on going to her wedding and gave her support, including her grandmother.
OP added, “My dad is blowing up my phone, begging to meet and talk it out.”
Maybe You Could Give Them a Chance?
Unexpectedly, OP’s fiancé told her that maybe she shouldn’t be so harsh. After all, it’s already been 15 years, and her father and his wife are still together.
The mere fact that her fiancé defended them made her second-guess things.
She Judged Too Quickly
However, OP also doubts her decision, saying she didn’t have to uninvite them from the wedding immediately.
She added, “I had made my displeasure known. I did jump to a nuclear option fairly quickly.”
Redditors’ Thoughts and Suggestions
Redditors think OP’s stepmom is one to talk for someone who cheated with her dad. Besides, why is she being blamed for outing her dad’s and stepmom’s affair?
The top commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole. It’s been 15 years, and the homewrecker still thinks it’s your fault. That’s what’s harsh.”
Another person added, “Girl code? Where was her ‘girl code’ when she was sleeping with someone’s husband?”
What a Hypocrite!
People agreed with OP and said that how she reacted was reasonable and not harsh.
A Redditor said, “Your dad and stepmom sound like real pieces of work. Not the a**hole. I love how your stepmom tried to call your relationship out when she was going out with the married man. And if you don’t want to get outed for having an affair, don’t have an affair. You had a totally reasonable reaction. I’m with you on this one. I hope the wedding goes well!”
Who Is She to Give Advice?
Redditors believed that while OP’s stepmom was in no position to give her opinions on relationships, perhaps it would do OP some good to hear her dad out. But then again, she should be mindful and wary of what he has to say.
“Not the a**hole. She doesn’t have any authority to give relationship advice. You should talk to your father, though, and hear him out. Obviously, a red line is them not giving advice about relationships,” a commenter wrote.
Rest Easy, You Did the Right Thing!
Some even praised OP for what she said to her dad and stepmom and said that uninviting them from her wedding was the right—and perhaps the only—decision.
A commenter said, “Not the a**hole. Everything you told your stepmother and father is spot on. Seems to me like their company doesn’t bring much joy to you, so them not attending your wedding is probably for the best.”
Another one wrote, “Not the a**hole. I love how you checked them both, one after the other. You’re right. A wedding is no place for homewrecking expletives.”
Was OP wrong for uninviting her dad and stepmom from her wedding? What do you think she should have done?
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This post first appeared as She Banned Her Dad and His Affair Partner From Her Big Day After Being Criticized for “Breaking Girl Code” and “Outing” Two Affairs. Her Wedding Has No Space for “Homewreckers!” on Quote Ambition.