This Redditor was looking forward to having her grandmother by her side on her wedding day. But everything quickly turned sour once she found out how disgusting her views and opinions were!
Grandma and Granddaughter’s Sacred Bond
OP’s (Original Poster) wedding was scheduled for months after this story was posted, and she was looking forward to having her 75-year-old grandmother on her special day.
Similar Sentiments
Like OP, her grandmother was “super excited” to come. She wrote, “I’m her oldest grandchild, so we have a special relationship.”
What a Game-Changer!
However, a few days before this story was posted, OP’s grandmother learned that OP’s sister, who was also her maid of honor, was gay. She also found out that OP invited her sister’s girlfriend!
Her Detrimental Opinions
OP’s grandmother was immediately furious about “the gay thing.” She told OP that she had two options: uninviting her sister’s girlfriend or accepting that she wasn’t coming to her wedding.
Then Don’t Come!
OP didn’t expect to stir this kind of reaction from her grandmother. But now that she knows what she thinks, she can’t help but believe she shouldn’t be at her wedding.
She wrote, “I immediately said that if this is the way she thinks, I don’t want her there.”
A Strong Bond
OP, her fiancé, her sister, and her girlfriend have been living in one apartment since OP’s sister and her partner lost theirs because of the pandemic. Since then, OP and her sister’s girlfriend have already been “basically roommates” for around six months.
She shared, “I’m very close to her, closer than my granny actually, and I really want her there.”
A Little Background
However, since OP is Eastern European, “h*********” is still very present in their family. She noted that this is why her relatives were okay with her grandmother’s behavior.
Just Tolerated
OP also noted that though her family loves her sister, they only “tolerate” her girlfriend. Again, this is something deeply rooted in their family’s culture and beliefs.
Mean Words
Because of this, OP’s relatives think she’s an “a**hole,” given how she treated her grandmother. However, OP can’t help but feel she doesn’t deserve a spot on her special day.
Coming Clean
In an edit, OP shared that she finally told her sister and her girlfriend about what her grandmother said. In this conversation, she discovered she was absolutely right in uninviting her grandmother.
Grandmother’s Harassment
OP’s sister was mad that she didn’t tell her about the issue sooner. But they soon agreed that her grandmother and one other relative shouldn’t be invited, no questions asked.
She wrote, “Turned out Granny and especially the other relative were bullying them on Facebook and other social media and were outing them online.”
Verbal Abuse
OP’s sister told her that their grandmother and their other relative have been messaging her sister to “verbally abuse” her since she came out. But she hasn’t told OP before for the same reason that OP didn’t tell her about “the wedding stuff.”
Final Decision
OP said that she had never considered uninviting her sister’s girlfriend. She just wanted to question whether she was the “a**hole” for uninviting her grandmother rather than letting her make the decision.
But given all her new learnings, OP is now “no longer questioning” her decision. In one of the comments, she wrote, “There’s still four months until the wedding, so maybe Grandma will come to her senses. Interestingly, Grandpa—her husband—is the only adult member of my father’s side of the family who thinks Grandma overreacted by giving me an ultimatum, though. Just thought I’d mention how bada** my grandfather is.”
What the Community Thinks
Redditors reassured OP that though most of her relatives disagreed with her decision, she did nothing wrong.
A top commenter shared, “Not the a**hole. Doing the right thing isn’t always popular. Even if you hadn’t been living together, disinviting the girlfriend because of bigotry wouldn’t be morally right. Have a wonderful wedding!”
Another agreed, saying, “Yes! I was going to say the same thing! It doesn’t matter if the girlfriend is a total stranger to you! Stick with your principles! You will probably feel better deep down in your soul knowing you did what was right rather than feeling false on the day.”
Stand Your Ground!
People also advised OP to be prepared to face the consequences of her actions. She did nothing wrong, but there will still be repercussions, and she should stand firm no matter what happens.
“You can give in to prejudice or stand up against it. If OP gives in, then she can’t consider herself an ally to queer people or her sister. I’m queer, and if my sister excluded my same-s** partner, I would feel betrayed in the most cruel and painful way. A sisterly bond is sacred, and it trumps grandparents. OP might offend her family’s feelings, but to exclude her sister’s girlfriend would be to reject who her sister is. It says, ‘You’re not normal, and you can’t participate fully,” said one man.
The same user added, “OP knows what to do. It’s just a question of dealing with the family fallout. I suggest a united front with all the housemates, with everyone reminding OP to have fun and celebrate despite family prejudices making things difficult.”
It Was Her Choice!
Then, some users pointed out that OP’s grandmother drove herself to get uninvited. It was never OP’s fault.
A woman wrote, “Hijacking the top comment to say that you are not disinviting Granny. She is disinviting herself. She is welcome to come; she just has to be willing to accept the presence of a gay girlfriend. This is not on you. This is on Granny. Not the a**hole, and please don’t give in.”
“Not the a**hole. It’s your wedding. Invite whoever you want. They are all the a**holes for dictating who you should invite. That being said, I’d just invite both, then if the grandma doesn’t come, then it’s on her and not you,” said one Redditor.
What should OP do? Do you think there’s something she could do to appease both sides?
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This post first appeared as She Banned Her “Homophobic” Grandmother From Her Wedding After She Insensitively Demanded She Uninvite Her Sister’s Girlfriend. Now Her Family Says She’s a “Jerk” for Choosing Others Over Family! on Quote Ambition.
