OP (Original Poster) and her aunt had a disagreement when she heard that OP had converted to Catholicism. Not one relative stood against her aunt and defended her, so she uninvited them from her wedding!
A Couple’s Long Engagement
OP is a 32-year-old woman who’s about to marry her 34-year-old long-term boyfriend in February 2024. They have been engaged and planning their wedding for about two years.
Pious Grandma’s Wishes
One of the reasons behind such a long engagement is because OP’s fiancé is Irish Catholic, and she’s an English Protestant or Anglican.
OP wrote, “He’s not remotely religious—I am, though—but his family is very devout. His grandma, whom he is extremely close to, in particular, really wanted him to get married in their local church.”
Heartfelt Conversations With a Priest
So, they went to speak to the priest about it and were told that it would be possible for them to get married without OP converting, and they would have to ask the bishop for permission. However, during this conversation, the priest also went ahead and asked if OP would be interested in converting.
OP noted, “My family history is that my dad’s family is Catholic, from Liverpool, but my mom’s family is Anglican.”
Switching Religions
She thought about it and eventually decided to do the conversion course and convert after. It started a year and a half ago, and OP finished it in April 2023.
It’s Been a Long Time Coming
OP explained that she had already been thinking of converting for a long time—way before she met her boyfriend. For her, this is “more of a nice excuse to go through with it.”
BBQ Disputes
Then, a few months ago, before posting on Reddit, OP was home for a huge family barbeque, and her unbaptized cousin told OP that she was thinking about starting to go to church. So, OP began to tell her cousin about the course she had done, which is also required for people new to the church, and her experience of it.
OP wrote, “I have two aunts on my mom’s side, and one of them, who was hammered at this point, overheard and said, ‘You’re a Catholic now? Isn’t it bad enough you’re marrying one?’”
A Joke Falling on Deaf Ears
For a second, OP was utterly speechless. But because her dad’s a “conflict-resolution” kind of person, he tried to make a joke out of the situation by saying, “Like mother, like daughter.”
However, OP’s different from her father, so she asked her aunt what “the hell” she meant by that comment.
Justifying Trashy Behavior
That’s when OP’s aunt started ranting about the 1970s, and OP’s mother almost had to physically drag her inside.
OP noted, “Her other sister, her husband, and their kids were all there. All adults, but not one of them said anything to shut her up. In fact, they were actively excusing her by saying things like, ‘She’s just had too much to drink.’ And my other aunt even asked me again why I’d converted in quite a harsh voice.”
No Space for the Likes of You!
OP didn’t answer. She did, however, say that if all of them felt so strongly about it, they were more than welcome not to come to her wedding.
The Second Time Around
At that point, OP’s dad managed to change the topic of the conversation with a joke. Thankfully, the matter didn’t come up again.
Her Final Decision
Later on, OP talked to her mom about the incident, and she tried to make things better by saying it was “just a touchy subject” for their relatives.
OP wrote, “It f****** isn’t. They’re just d****. I told her I didn’t care if it was touchy; they couldn’t say that sort of thing, and I was uninviting that side of the family from the wedding.”
Went Over Their Heads
Most, if not all, of OP’s relatives seemed to have thought that she was kidding when she said they wouldn’t be invited to the wedding.
Because of this, when the invites were sent out, they were furious that OP had cut them out of the wedding over a “bit of banter.”
Going Overboard?
Not one of OP’s relatives stood up to her aunt and disagreed with what was said to her. So, was it an overreaction for OP to uninvite them?
The Community’s Pieces of Advice
For users, OP has the right to keep and continue to value things that are important to her, and if other people—even her family—decide to invalidate that, then it’s only reasonable if she chooses to cut them off.
A commenter wrote, “Not the a**hole. If religious values are important to you, and some members of your family have trampled on them, it’s okay to uninvite them. Just be prepared for some major fallout.”
It’s Your Day!
People are right when they say that weddings are supposed to be beautiful and a day full of happiness. So, if some of OP’s family members are going to ruin that for her, then they shouldn’t come.
A Redditor wrote, “Not the a**hole. A wedding is no place for hate and negativity. You don’t mention receiving any sort of apology, so I’m assuming that they didn’t bother. Surround yourself with those who will bring you joy on your special day. Best of luck!”
Another person said, “Not the a**hole. Just tell them you’re ‘touchy’ about having people at your wedding who are a**holes.”
A Historical Reference
Some comments on Reddit tried to guess what OP’s aunt was ranting about and said that it might be about something historical, specifically, the Northern Ireland conflict.
“Not the a**hole. It wouldn’t be comfortable for anyone to have people who are staunchly anti-Catholic at a wedding in a Catholic church. Is the real issue the Irish or Catholic part of ‘Irish Catholic?’ If your aunts are ranting about the 1970s, that sounds like the issues are as much about ‘The Troubles’ and the fight between those seeking Irish independence and those seeking to keep Ireland under British control,” one Redditor said.
The same person wrote, “Given that your boyfriend was born in the late 1980s, this history is not his personal history. You don’t need to include those who will keep the hate of past generations alive for current and future ones.”
What do you think? Was OP wrong for uninviting half of her family?
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This post first appeared as She Banned Her Maternal Family From Her Wedding After They Harshly Criticized Her for Converting and Marrying a Catholic Man. Now She’s Shunned by All Her Relatives! Was She Wrong? on Quote Ambition.
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