This user was getting married soon and invited her mom to attend. But when her mother joked about how she wasn’t marrying a “successful man,” she disinvited her from the wedding!
OP (Original Poster) started seeing her boyfriend several years back. She met him not long after moving out of her mother’s house.
They dated for almost a year before she finally introduced her boyfriend to her mother.
Mother Knows Best
As soon as her mother met her boyfriend, she made her “disapproval” known. She suggested he “wasn’t good enough” for OP because of his “job title, income, education level, etc.”
She also said the OP’s boyfriend was “weird” and that she needed to be with someone who was “normal” to help make OP “more normal.”
Degree in Finding a Husband
Then, her mom added that she had “wasted her money” by putting OP through college. She was supposed to have met her future husband there like her mother had, but obviously, she didn’t.
Over time, OP’s mother started to gradually lay off on the negative comments to the point that OP believed she had “accepted” him. So, she didn’t think anything of it when she invited her mother to her wedding; after all, it’s the norm to have your mother in attendance.
They even agreed that her mother would walk her down the aisle, as her father had passed away a few years prior.
Stabbed in the Back
Then, recently, OP was at her mother’s house, just the two of them.
Her mother said, “Make sure he has a nice suit so we can pretend you’re marrying a successful man.” She then proceeded to laugh “hysterically” at her joke.
OP couldn’t believe her mother. She angrily shouted, “If you don’t like who I’m marrying, don’t come!”
Back and Forth
Her mother’s mood quickly shifted to anger, and she yelled at OP, “That’s no way to talk to your mother!”
Having Second Thoughts
OP ran out of her mom’s home in tears at that point. She thought about how her mother had always talked down to her fiancé.
When she considered it, she realized that nothing her mother could say now would make her feel comfortable having her at the wedding.
Coming to a Decision
Though it would require OP to change a few plans at the last minute, she decided she’d be “much happier” without her mother attending the wedding.
No Longer Welcome
So, OP texted her mother and informed her that she had disinvited her from her wedding and that her decision was final.
Didn’t Mean It
Her mother immediately said that OP was “overreacting to a harmless joke.” She also assured OP that her disinviting her from the wedding would “shock” the whole family.
Piling It On
She continued by stating that OP would be “humiliating” her if she didn’t invite her to the wedding. Her mother also claimed that if OP hadn’t wanted her at the wedding, she should’ve told her “from the start” and that there was no way OP was changing her mind over “that one joke.”
Redditors Chime In
The community stood on OP’s side and felt that her mom didn’t deserve to be at her wedding because of her attitude.
The top commenter wrote, “Do not let this woman come to your wedding! Because she will s*** on him during the day. Please change the time, date, or venue, and don’t tell her. Hire bouncers. Whatever it takes. That was not a ‘harmless joke.’ That was her not supporting your marriage. So she’s out. Not the a**hole.”
“Not the a**hole. You’re not overreacting, and it’s not about ‘one joke.’ It’s simply the last one. You said it yourself. Looking back, she never liked or respected him or your relationship, so why would you want her there? Her being worried about being humiliated is the only reason she’s upset; frankly, that’s not your problem. You’re making the right choice. Stick to it. And let the venue or ushers know she’s unwelcome and not allowed in,” someone else said.
Toxic Pattern of Behavior
Many in the community also pointed out that her mother was trying to play down her cruelty in attempting to veil it behind jokes.
One user wrote, “Not the a**hole. Every joke is just a partial joke. Your mom does not respect your choice and your decision. Since she is prone to humiliate people, it’s a wise choice to get her out of your wedding.”
Another Redditor replied to this comment, saying, “I hate the ‘it was just a joke’ trope. My go-to is to ask people to explain why something is funny. It gets fascinating when they try to explain. The best is when they double down with the ‘you just don’t get it, I guess,’ and you respond with something like ‘Nah, I just don’t find calling someone stupid, unsuccessful, fat, etc., funny.’”
Do you think OP overreacted by disinviting her mother? Does her mom deserve not to be included in her daughter’s wedding for all her rude remarks?
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This post first appeared as She Banned Her Mom From Her Wedding After She Mocked Her Fiancé’s Social Status, Complaining That He Wasn’t a “Successful Man.” Now She’s Accused of “Overreacting” to a “Harmless Joke!” on Quote Ambition.