This Redditor got the wind knocked out of her when her mom called, expecting her to pay for part of her $50,000 wedding. She refused, and now everything’s a mess!
A Second Chance at Love
OP’s (Original Poster) mom got engaged to her fiancè, Joseph, four months before this story was posted.
She noted that her soon-to-be stepdad was a “fairly nice guy.”
Different Opinions
However, OP and Joseph have different takes on topics like politics, which OP mentioned she tried not to judge someone on.
They also have different personalities and takes on appropriate boundaries.
In Her Space
By the last comment, OP meant Joseph not calling ahead whenever he would come to see her and her family. He’d also make a lot of “controversial jokes.”
Are You Insinuating Something?
Joseph would joke about how OP is a “gold digger” because her husband is their family’s breadwinner, and he makes over double her income.
Sweeping Things Under the Rug
At first, OP tried to “brush it off,” privately texting Joseph and her mom about how she doesn’t appreciate these kinds of “jokes,” especially when she was in front of her family.
OP added, “Before anyone thinks I’m actually a gold digger, my husband actually made less than me when we met.”
No Change at All
Over text, Joseph said he understood. Sadly, he continued to make the same jokes in person.
OP tried to move on and continued to ignore him, just for the sake of keeping the peace.
Humoring Her
Then, OP explained how Joseph was not that into the wedding. Since he and OP’s mom got engaged, her mom had been saving money for the ceremony, and Joseph also did the same, though not as much as her mom.
She said, “He says, and I quote, ‘Weddings are just something to make your wife happy, and no husband actually likes them.’”
Vibrant Red Flag
OP wholeheartedly believed this was a red flag, so she couldn’t understand why her mom couldn’t see it.
However, she once again ignored it since it was not her situation or place to comment on it.
A Request or a Demand?
They’re four months into the engagement, and OP’s mom messaged her about a request. In the message, she asked, “Hi, Sweetie! You know the wedding’s coming up, and I was wondering when you were gonna help pay for it?”
Double Standards
OP was shocked, as her mom didn’t even help her pay for her and her husband’s wedding. Instead, her dad paid for both his and her mom’s part.
She added, “Also, in my opinion, I don’t think your kid should help pay for your wedding even if they are grown.”
Ungrateful Reaction
OP texted her mom, saying she didn’t know she would be expected to pay for anything. So, she offered to pay for her mom’s wedding cake or something similar.
Instead of being grateful, her mom didn’t take her refusal well.
What a Mess!
Her mom called her and immediately started sobbing, saying she “had done everything” for OP, and now she won’t even help her own mother pay for “the best day of her life.”
An Expensive Big Day
For OP, if it were just a small wedding, she could have paid for some of it. However, her mom was planning for a wedding that would cost over $50,000, and she wants OP to pay more than $15,000 for it!
She didn’t want to hear more of her mom’s sobbing, so she hung up.
I Don’t Know What to Do
OP’s not sure how she should approach the issue.
She wrote, “On one hand, she’s my mom. On the other, she’s expecting me to pay for a wedding for her and someone who doesn’t respect my boundaries and didn’t even help pay for mine.”
What the Community Thinks
Users flocked to the comments section to show OP their support. For them, there’s no way OP’s in the wrong here.
One said, “Not the a**hole. According to your mom’s partner, you’re a ‘gold digger’ who doesn’t earn enough to pay your way in your own marriage, so that should be enough of a reason not to pay for theirs.”
Another agreed, saying, “Even more funny and ironic when he can’t even be bothered to pay his fair share of the wedding. Not the a**hole.”
The Perfect Comeback
Some also offered OP advice on how she should respond whenever Joseph made jokes that were out of line.
“The next time he jokes about that, she should say something like, ‘I know that’s your favorite joke to make because my husband’s income makes you feel inferior, and you’re too much of a coward to make jokes at his expense. But I think targeting me because of your own insecurities is really inappropriate. I make you seem misogynistic,’” suggested one Redditor.
Why Be Extravagant?
People also don’t see the hype about OP’s mom’s wedding. They couldn’t believe she wanted to spend $50,000 in just one day!
One woman said, “OP, if your mother can’t afford her wedding, she should scale it down. There’s no reason to spend $50,000, which can easily go to a decent deposit for a house, on a wedding, especially if you can’t afford it! I mean, who is she inviting? The whole town? OP, don’t let her guilt-trip you into paying $15,000 for a wedding that involves a rude guy who doesn’t understand boundaries and a woman who could spare $1 for your wedding. She should have been grateful that you offered to pay for the cake. Not the a**hole.”
“I agree. And as someone who is married, weddings are a luxury, not a necessity, in my opinion. And it’s been shown that the more money someone spends on a wedding, the more likely they are to divorce. And my wedding cost less than $10,000,” said another Redditor.
What should OP do? Do you think her mom was out of line?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Give Her Mother $15,000 to Help Pay For Her $50,000 Wedding After Her Fiancé Accused Her of Being a “Gold Digger.” Was She Being Selfish? on Quote Ambition.
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