This woman’s ex-partner wanted nothing to do with their son when he was alive. So she doesn’t think it’s right for her to change her son’s surname to his paternal grandparents’ just for money!
A Year of Fun
OP (Original Poster) is a 24-year-old who got pregnant while she was taking a gap year traveling. During that time, she met an older guy who was four years older than her.
She was 19 then, and the guy was 23. OP wrote, “We had fun. I was working in a bar to make money while I explored his city.”
I’m Pro-choice
When she got pregnant, the man she saw “lost interest really quickly.” She understood his decision, but she noted that she was pro-choice, and she chose not to terminate.
Being Responsible
OP went home to her family and had her son. However, she ensured the man she met would still do his best to be responsible.
She wrote, “I also made sure to get child support. He could afford it. He did fight it, though. I had to prove paternity and everything.”
Loving Grandparents
Because of the paternity battle, the man’s parents found out about her and their grandchild. OP noted that they were well off, had met her son, and “truly seemed to love him.”
She shared, “They have provided gifts for his birthday and Christmas. They helped me with extra money so I could complete my university without going into debt. They have taken us on vacation with them so they could spend time with him. They aren’t my biggest fans, but we are cordial to each other.”
Life-Altering Accident
Unfortunately, OP’s son’s dad passed away three months before this story was posted. He got drunk at his bachelor party, tripped on the sidewalk, and hit his head.
OP and her son attended the funeral, and they spent a week in their city so her son’s grandparents could see him and spend time with him.
The Only Grandchild
Her son’s grandparents then approached her with an offer. They had no other children or grandchildren, and their son was only 28 when he passed away.
OP’s assuming they thought he had a lot of time to provide them with legitimate grandchildren. Because of this, they never thought about her son’s surname.
An Offer She’s Hesitant to Take
They told OP that if she legally changed his surname to theirs, they would make her son the primary heir to their fortune.
OP noted, “I think this is dumb. He is their only grandchild, and they would deny him an inheritance because of his last name?”
Just to Be Polite
OP said she’d consider it, but she only said so “to be polite,” and she left it at that. She explained that she has a “pretty good life” as it is, and her family has been very supportive.
She noted that because of their whole battle with the court, her son’s dad had to have life insurance with him as the beneficiary.
Messy Situation
Now OP’s stuck between a rock and a hard place.
OP said, “Would it be nice for my kid to get a big sum of money? Yes. Do I want him to have the surname of a man who didn’t want him, see him, or love him? No.”
A Selfish Move
OP has since talked to her family about things. Though most of them are on her side, some think she’s being an “a**hole” for giving up this kind of money that was meant for her son.
Life-Changing Sum
She explained that the money her son would inherit is “generational wealth.” So, for her relatives, OP’s wrong to make a decision based on emotion.
However, OP believes they’re the “a**holes” for thinking that money is the only thing that matters.
Making a Decision for Himself
Ultimately, OP thinks she must talk to her son’s grandparents about it. She plans to suggest they speak to him when he turns 16.
By then, he’ll be old enough to understand the implications of things but also young enough not to be tied professionally to his last name.
Redditors’ Points of View
For users, OP’s making a big mistake. Sadly, the consequences of her mistake would not be affecting her directly; instead, it would be her son who suffers.
One user wrote, “You’re the a**hole. F*** that, dude, but also, you’re kinda screwing your kid by not changing the name. That money is your child’s future, and guess what? They’ll probably want it regardless of y’all’s beef. If they find out, that could also wreck y’all’s relationship. Get the bag. You can honor the grandparents that have been involved in your son’s life, and ultimately your kid can change the name if they don’t like it. But the money can allow your child to pursue their dreams without having to worry about the stress of loans, etc.”
Let’s Be Practical!
People also told OP they understand why she doesn’t want to do it. However, she should be more practical when she looks at things.
“I completely understand not wanting him to have the name of a man who did not want him, but being practical, that’s a lot of money, and if that’s all they want, I would make the sacrifice for my son’s sake. He shouldn’t be punished for his dad being a bad guy,” said one Redditor.
A woman added, “And it’s not giving him the last name of a man who didn’t want him. It’s giving him the last name of his grandparents who did love him and want him and provide for his and his mother’s life in very meaningful ways. I mean, helping with paying for her schooling? That’s way more than even most parents would do for their adult kids, let alone a basic stranger. They also took her on vacations and helped pay for things to get her and her son ahead.”
What do you think? Should OP suck it up and follow her son’s grandparents’ wishes?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Change Her Son’s Surname to His Paternal Grandparents’, Even if It Meant He’d Lose Out on a Life-Changing Inheritance. Now She’s Shunned and Called a Selfish “Jerk!” on Quote Ambition.
