After having a baby, she just wanted a simple visit from her parents and wasn’t ready to cater to guests at her home. However, her dad couldn’t respect that and brought an outsider!
A Wonderful Addition to This World
Six weeks before sharing this story on Reddit, OP and her husband had just welcomed their baby daughter. After giving birth, OP’s mom stayed with them for one week, and then it was just her, her husband, and their newborn care specialist.
Grandparents Are Here!
Five weeks after having the baby, OP’s mom and stepdad came back to stay with them and visit the baby and will be staying for another week. So, OP invited her dad to visit in the same period as well.
But because he wanted to bring his wife, Maggie, along with him, they are staying in a hotel that OP is paying for. OP noted, “We had previously agreed that he would come to visit my apartment alone, and the rest of the time he would spend vacationing with his wife.”
One and Only Condition Ignored
For some time, everything worked really well. But a day before posting this story, OP’s dad brought Maggie to the apartment.
His reason was he thought it would be okay since he’d been visiting alone for a week, and his wife just wanted to meet the baby.
When She Says So
So, OP told her dad that Maggie could meet the baby when she was ready to receive visitors—not when he dictated—and that his wife had to leave. She and her dad argued until her husband stepped in and told her father the discussion was over.
OP wrote, “My dad ended up staying to visit because if he’d left with her, it would have made the situation worse, and she went back to the hotel.”
Sulking Dad
After what had happened, OP’s dad told her through a text message and in person that she “overreacted” and that Maggie wasn’t planning to stay for long, and she could have just let her see the baby.
OP shared, “I think that given the agreement was not to bring her, any length of time was going against that. He says I embarrassed her by having that argument in front of my mom and stepdad, and I think he’s the one who embarrassed her by bringing her at all.”
A New Mom
Of course, OP’s husband is on her side, while her mom and stepdad say it’s 50/50. They also noted that she stepped on the “a**hole territory” by ordering her dad’s wife out the way she did.
She wrote, “Having a new baby is a lot, and I’ll admit I haven’t been my most level-headed, so I’m wondering if maybe I went slightly overboard.”
Troublesome Behavior
In an update, OP clarified why she didn’t want Maggie to visit in the first place, saying her dad’s wife is extremely awkward around her mom. Apparently, she feels uncomfortable around “the woman OP’s dad loved before her,” to the point that she can’t converse well or make eye contact with OP’s mom.
OP added, “This makes for a maddeningly awkward atmosphere when they are around each other. My 30th birthday dinner was awful. I didn’t want to deal with that level of awkwardness.”
Time of Effortlessness
Aside from that, OP is still not up to hosting, as she is tired, not looking or feeling her best, and not presentable. She also doesn’t want to be sociable, dress up, and ensure that the apartment is at its best.
She wrote, “I don’t feel the need to do that around my parents, but outside of that, I would. I am not having even my closest friends around for this reason. When I am more settled, I’d be fine with Maggie coming around with my dad.”
An Irksome Woman
OP also explained that she and Maggie haven’t spent much time together. Her dad’s wife goes through periods where she loses her temper, and they happen really quickly.
She can be pretty unpleasant to be around, so OP never wanted to be close to her.
The Problem With Dad
According to OP, she knew her dad probably told Maggie it was okay to come. Her dad is the kind of person who wants things done his way all the time, and if he has to use trickery, he’s okay with it.
OP added, “Most of the time, people just put up with it to keep the peace, so often that he banks on that. It is likely this is what happened here as well. It’s unfortunate that my dad is like that and unfortunate that Maggie didn’t stand up and say no, so I had to.”
More Than Just a Stepdad
Furthermore, OP clarified that her stepdad had been an “extra” parent to her for 17 years, so she didn’t consider him as a guest or an outsider. In fact, he was the first person who knew about OP’s pregnancy and the one giving her husband advice.
OP wrote, “I talk to him more often than my biological dad. I need and want him here just as much as my mom. My daughter is his granddaughter because I am a daughter to him. It has nothing to do with excluding Maggie. My stepdad is included because he is a parent here.”
Redditors’ Thoughts and Suggestions
For Redditors, OP clearly and thoroughly explained what she did not want her dad to do, and he was wrong for crossing the line. Because of this, most members of the community think that OP’s father should’ve understood in the first place.
A Redditor wrote, “Not the a**hole. You were paying for his hotel and laid out a very clear boundary that his wife couldn’t come to see you. He didn’t call and ask to bring his wife along for a few minutes; he thought he would just ambush you, and you’d have to go along with it. Instead, you kept the boundary in place, and he was revealed to be the one in the wrong.”
The same person added, “The way he mentions your mother and her husband suggests that he was jealous about them being ‘prioritized’ and wanted to establish some dominance. Good on you for shutting that nonsense down. What he wants doesn’t matter when it comes to your newborn. The sooner he understands that, the better.”
A Contradicting Notion
On the other hand, there are some who think OP was in the wrong and that she just wants everyone to adjust for her just because she had a baby.
A commenter wrote, “You’re the a**hole after reading some of your comments and the fact your dad stayed to placate you and not cause issues instead of taking his wife back to the hotel. Honestly, it sounds like you just want everyone to cater to you since you had a baby six weeks ago. And I get it; having a baby is hard. But this vibe you’re giving is a bit odd.”
Everybody’s at Fault
Then, some believe that everyone did something inexcusable, which makes them an a**hole.
“Everyone sucks here. You for not just letting her meet the baby for two minutes, avoiding the whole s*** show, and your dad for bringing her in the first place. Don’t get me wrong, you were well within your right to kick her out, but it was still rude and humiliating for her. She probably only came because your dad said it would be fine,” one Redditor said.
Who do you think is right in this situation? Do you agree that OP was overreacting?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Deal With Outsiders, so When Her Dad Brought His Wife to Visit Her Newborn Baby Without Her Permission, She Snapped and Kicked Her Out! Was She “Overreacting?” on Quote Ambition.
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