Her son is engaged to a judgmental woman who treats her and her son badly. So, would it be so wrong if she doesn’t want to pay for their wedding?
A 20-Year-Old’s Shocking News
OP (Original Poster) has 2 children, her 20-year-old son, Andrew, and a 16-year-old daughter. Not long before posting this story, her son broke her heart when he told her he was engaged.
Who Are They to Judge?
For OP, 20 is way too young to get married, but she supposes that this statement could be hypocritical as she got married when she was only 23. On the other hand, OP’s husband is upset but has always been hard on Andrew.
Because of this, OP tries not to base her decision on her husband’s reaction. She added, “His father is p*****!”
Monetary Gifts
OP also has a 20-year-old stepson, and when he got married at 29, her husband gifted him a substantial amount of money to spend on the wedding and his new life. OP admittedly said she had “always assumed” she and her husband would do the same for their children.
A Toxic Fiancé
However, OP’s husband has a huge issue with Andrew’s fiancé, Jenna. It wasn’t unfounded, though, as OP also disliked her.
OP wrote, “She is very disrespectful. She fought with my son in public and then screamed in front of all of our guests that I didn’t raise him right. They fight over literally everything to the point they aren’t allowed to stay at our beach house because the fighting wakes people up.”
Her Prejudices
It’s no surprise that Jenna hates her since OP can’t stand the girl either. What makes it worse is the fact that Andrew’s fiancé picks fights over everything.
OP added, “She thinks I voted for Trump. I actually didn’t, but I’m not telling her that. And she constantly asks me how I can support Trump—who I actually hate, but she does not listen.”
Unaccepting of Their Ways
Jenna also reads into everything she and her husband do, so much so that even OP getting a beer or making a sandwich for her husband is an issue for her.
But the more Jenna gets offended, the funnier it is when OP’s husband says, “Make me a sandwich, woman,” and goes on to “slap her a**.”
Something Needs to Change!
Jenna even told OP that when she and Andrew have children, OP will have to learn to be more sensitive and “politically correct.” However, OP’s not sure why Jenna thinks she will change just for her.
A Stubborn Son
Eventually, OP told her son that his relationship is “highly dysfunctional” and that he and Jenna both have some “growing up” to do. But Andrew argued that OP doesn’t like his fiancé because she is different.
He then put his foot down, saying the wedding was still on.
Undeserving of Their Kindness
Because of everything that has happened thus far, OP’s husband doesn’t want to give them any money, saying that it would be “disrespectful to OP” when Jenna has mistreated her.
OP noted, “Andrew does know that we gave money to his stepbrother, and I’m sure we’ll give money to his little sister someday.”
A Parent’s Perspective
At first, OP thought her husband was just being an “a**,” but the more she thinks about it, the more she realizes she doesn’t want to give anything to Jenna.
But OP asked, “So, would we be a**holes? We’d frame it as he’s too young, the relationship is too volatile, and he is ignoring our advice.”
Redditors’ Reactions
Some Redditors couldn’t decide whether OP and her husband were wrong in this situation because even though they don’t like Andrew’s fiancé, he’s still their son.
The top commenter wrote, “Tough one. I get where you’re coming from because any money given to them would likely be wasted. But then again, favoritism of children sucks, and if you didn’t treat him the same as his siblings, I think that would damage your relationship even worse than it already has been.”
The same person added, “I can’t decide on a vote on this one, quite honestly. Here’s an idea, though. You gave the money to your stepson when he was 29, right? Maybe you could tell your son that you’ll give him an equivalent amount of money when he’s 29 or, perhaps, 25. If he’s still married to her by then, they can use it as they will. Then follow suit with your daughter when she reaches that age.”
Avoiding Favoritism
Redditors suggested how OP and her husband could handle everything, including what to do with the money and how they could save their relationship with their son.
A Redditor said, “Not the a**hole. It’s your money to do with as you choose. All that said, if you set this clear double standard and play favorites with your kids, you may find that your relationship with your son deteriorates significantly. It’s up to you whether you’re willing to risk that.”
“Not the a**hole, it’s your money. As a compromise, to avoid showing favoritism among your children, you could set the money aside in a trust for him, with conditions on when he can start using the money—how much can be withdrawn each year after he has access to it. Maybe even a condition of marriage counseling for the couple before the money is available to him,” another person wrote.
She Shouldn’t Have Treated You That Way
The comments even stated that since Andrew and Jenna are adults, why can’t they pay on their own? Besides, Jenna treated OP so badly that she honestly doesn’t deserve the help.
“Not the a**hole. His fiancé doesn’t respect you even in the smallest way. Let these adults pay for their own wedding,” a commenter said.
Another one wrote, “Not the a**hole. Your husband’s reference to how she’s treated you is correct, and all you need to do is let two adults pay for their own party, ‘She’s treated your mother too poorly for us to spend our money this way. Sorry, Son, but actions do have consequences.’”
Keeping To Oneself
Some people even said Jenna should have learned to be respectful instead of judging OP’s actions.
A Redditor shared, “Not the a**hole. If the chick weren’t such an a** to you guys, I’d change my mind. Why does your son think she can treat you poorly and then get money from you? Also, my boyfriend’s family resoundingly voted for Trump. I am as far left as possible. I don’t like the family dynamic. But I am extremely polite and keep my opinions to myself because it is not my place to judge. What the heck is this girl’s problem?”
Was OP and her husband too harsh? Do you think it was their son who was wrong?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Fund Her 20-Year-Old Son’s Wedding Because She Abhorred His “Disrespectful” Fiancé. They’re “Highly Dysfunctional” and “Immature” and Don’t Deserve Any Help. Was She Being a Selfish “Jerk?” on Quote Ambition.
