This single mom made sure her child was set up for success by creating a college fund for her. But all her plans for her daughter went down the drain when she accidentally got pregnant!
The Strength of a Single Mom
OP (Original Poster) is a 45-year-old single mom to an 18-year-old, and she has been one since her daughter’s dad passed away when she was a baby.
Being all alone, it was hard for them to pull through, but they eventually made it. OP wrote, “I finished my degree, earned a nice job with a high salary, and we now live comfortably.”
Prioritizing Her Future
For OP, one of the most important things for her to prioritize was continuing the college fund her late husband started for their daughter.
He started one when he found out OP was pregnant, and OP decided to add to it after he died.
You’re All Set!
Around a year before this story was posted, when her daughter was only 17, she sat her down and talked to her about her future. She told her daughter not to worry about college since she and her dad saved up money for her education.
OP wrote, “I told her this money could go toward tuition, housing, food, books, etc.”
A Supportive Mom
OP shared that her daughter planned on moving into an apartment in the same state as the school so she could easily attend online or in-person classes.
She was on board with this idea and noted that “anything to make her college life comfortable and fun, she was willing to offer.”
Wanting a Better Life for Her Daughter
OP shared that she had struggled financially when she attended college. Therefore, it was a tough time for her.
She wanted the best for her daughter, and she wanted her to make the most out of her experiences. In turn, her daughter was grateful and thanked OP for the opportunity.
So, so Proud
When the pandemic struck, school became different for everyone. As a senior in high school, it was no doubt a difficult transition for OP’s daughter, too.
However, despite all the challenges, she got accepted into one of the top schools in America, and OP noted that she was “so proud” of her daughter.
Something That Will Change Her Life
Four days before this story was posted, OP’s daughter sat her down and told her she was pregnant. OP was shocked since she was on birth control and figured it was an accident.
She shared, “She’s due in September, right when school starts. That meant we had to back out signing a lease for her future apartment and would have to stay home to raise the baby. Starting college with a newborn would have been a challenge but doable. So I accepted it.”
A Little Bird Told Me
Later that night, after their conversation, OP overheard her daughter’s conversation with her boyfriend. She noted that she wasn’t eavesdropping; nonetheless, what she heard was important.
OP’s daughter told her boyfriend not to worry about supporting the baby because she would use her college money for it.
Detrimental Lies
Through the conversation, OP also learned that her daughter had lied to her about how she got pregnant and her birth control pills.
She shared, “Turns out she decided to stop taking the pill simply because she wanted to switch to a different birth control, but she didn’t tell me. So for the past three months, she’s been picking up her birth control and wasn’t taking them.”
I’m Not a Prude!
OP was mad; she couldn’t understand why her daughter didn’t just tell her about wanting to change her birth control.
OP wrote, “If she wanted to switch to something else like the implant or an IUD, I would have supported it. I’m not some stuck-up prude; I was open to my daughter about protecting herself from STIs and pregnancy, so this choice confuses me.”
It’s Not up to You
She would also never allow her daughter to use her college fund to raise the baby. This decision wasn’t up to her.
So, OP told her daughter that she and her boyfriend would have to find a way to support the baby because her college fund was for “college only.”
A Heated Argument
Upon hearing what her mom said, OP’s daughter broke down and asked her how she would manage to support her baby when she nor her boyfriend had a job. In the heat of the moment, OP told her she “should have thought about that before she spread her legs with no contraception.”
OP wrote, “She called me a horrible mother and grandmother because I was setting them up for failure. I told her that I set her up for success, yet she chose the route which made things difficult for her.”
Determined and Decided
OP’s daughter told some family members about their argument, and they’ve been labeling OP as an “a**hole.” They said OP “should think of the child.”
However, OP said that while she loves her grandchild, she was staying firm about the college fund. Was she too harsh on her daughter and her unborn child?
Redditors’ Points of View
For the people of the community, OP was not wrong to put her foot down. Her daughter made the choice, and she had to learn to live with the consequences of her actions.
A woman wrote, “Not the a**hole. She made that choice as an adult and needs to learn there are consequences. I decently like the comment about setting up a trust fund for the future grandchild. I’d ask your daughter if she ever plans on going to college, and if she doesn’t plan on it, turn it into that grandchild’s trust fund.”
While people agreed that her daughter needs to learn her lesson, some suggested OP wait before setting up a trust fund for her grandchild. One said, “I’d wait on the trust. Depending on what you decide, it might be irrevocable, and even though she was really stupid—if three years from now she wants to go to college, do you really want to say, ‘Sorry, it’s only for your kid?’”
It’s Not Your Sole Responsibility
Some brought up the fact that OP’s daughter was trying to find a way to let her mom be responsible for her own child.
“Not the a**hole. She tried to scam you into paying for her planned teen pregnancy,” commented one user.
One said, “Not the a**hole. Your money, your choice. But I wouldn’t anticipate her and the baby moving out anytime soon.”
Do you think OP’s daughter meant for things to turn out this way? What would you advise OP to do?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Let Her 18-Year-Old Use Her College Fund to Raise Her Baby After She Accidentally Got Pregnant. Now She’s Called a “Jerk” and a “Horrible Mother!” on Quote Ambition.
