Her birthing story was so stressful—not because of the process itself but due to her inconsiderate parents! They kept disrespectfully asking for photos when she already specifically said no!
Here Comes the Newborn!
OP (Original Poster) gave birth to her first baby on October 10, 2023. When they got checked in at the hospital, OP and her husband told several people, including her parents.
A Very Concerned Grandma
Her mom’s reaction was to tell her to let them know if she and her husband changed their minds and wanted them to come to the hospital. Even though, for weeks, she’s been saying she didn’t want anyone there.
Then, her mother told her she was packing and said, “We are coming, of course! But not to the hospital.” Apparently, they assumed they could wait at OP’s house, but she said no.
OP’s son was born after 21 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing. They informed her parents, and they immediately asked for photos.
OP wrote, “I understand they are excited and already love him, but holy s***, I felt they were being needy and not respecting that I was tired, talking to hospital staff, trying to learn to breastfeed, etc.”
Keeping To Themselves
As soon as they got moved to a recovery room, OP and her husband talked and decided not to send pictures to anyone for now. This rule includes his two favorite people, his dad and grandmother, so it wasn’t like OP’s parents were singled out.
Security and Privacy
OP can’t really explain why they don’t want to send photos of their son at the moment. It was just that she and her husband were anxious about sending a photo to someone and having it spread like wildfire to those they didn’t consent to.
She wrote, “Not forever, but for now. We’ve literally already talked about how excited we are to send our first Christmas cards this year! So this isn’t a forever thing.”
But things didn’t go the way they expected when OP’s parents lost their minds about the pictures! They blew up OP’s and her husband’s phones, which stressed her out until she cried.
So, her husband called her dad, asking them to stop, and her father dared to hang up on him. Then, the old man told her he and her spouse didn’t need to speak or see each other again.
When OP was discharged from the hospital and was sent home, she messaged her parents three times, informing them that she was home. She also asked them to FaceTime so they could see her son through video since she wasn’t still okay with sending out photos, but they ignored her.
Finally, the day before OP shared her story, they FaceTimed, and her mother told her she’d been crying all day, “tortured” waiting for a photo.
OP responded, “I told her she made my labor all about her and that no one asked me and my husband what we wanted. It was all about what they wanted.”
Her parents said they didn’t understand the “photo thing” since everyone in the whole world sends photos of their newborns.
OP answered, “I said I don’t care about the world, and I totally see how sending a photo seems like no big deal and our decision seems irrational, but you don’t have to understand it. You just have to respect it. Well, that didn’t go over well.”
So, now, OP’s questioning whether she was being overly dramatic about her son and his photos. Can she be considered an a**hole for that?
She wrote, “My mom said I probably cried in the recovery room not because they stressed me out but because I was just hormonal and tired.”
To Those We Trust
Eventually, after discussing with her husband, they decided to send a photo she took when they got home from the hospital to a large group chat of their families, excluding her parents.
It will be sent with a text saying, “Thank you to everyone who has checked in on us! If you didn’t know, we are all home and healthy. Here is our little baby. We, please, ask that photos of him don’t get shared around, especially not on social media. We look forward to having everyone over to visit as soon as schedules allow.”
Holding Them Accountable
As for her parents, OP said that her biggest failure as a partner has been her lack of standing up for her husband and allowing her parents to disrespect him, which goes back way before the birth of her son. It might not be today, but soon, she will tell them that they could only meet her son if they apologize to her husband first for how they treated him.
OP noted, “Hanging up on him and my mother’s follow-up text, which I didn’t mention, but she said she would have ‘let my husband have it’ right after he became a father, and he was just trying to stand up for me. That cannot go unchecked. We can move forward from there if they provide a true apology, no empty words.”
The Community’s Two Cents
The community believes OP’s parents don’t have the right to treat her and her husband that way. Aside from that, they also congratulated her on her new baby!
The top commenter wrote, “You should have been giving it to them that they were stressing out a new mother and that they should be disgusted with themselves they are doing that to their daughter. Girl, you got to give it back to them. Go hard. They have no right to treat you like this. I would be doing the same thing if I was in your shoes. You are the mom; what you say goes. They suck it up and deal with it. Not the a**hole, and congratulations, Momma!”
Shouting It to the World
Some people pointed out that OP’s mother would like to boast about her son to friends and might not be really interested in the child.
A Redditor commented, “Grandbaby photos are serious currency in the grandma boasting scene. Your mother really, really wants to dunk on all her friends; she thinks that ‘everyone’ circulates baby photos because all her friends do, and she has likely been promising them pictures. And you are correct: any picture she gets will be circulated far and wide within moments of her receiving it.”
The same person added, “Her refusal of the FaceTime offer proves that she’s not interested in seeing or meeting her grandchild. It is in having the grandbaby photo to upload. I’d hold the line. Not the a**hole.”
Up to Their Discretion
Since OP and her husband are parents now, they are the only ones who get to make crucial decisions for their family, including who gets a photo of their son.
A commenter said, “Not the a**hole. You’re a mom and a dad now. Congratulations! You get to make the rules of your household and about sharing pictures of your kid as wild as you please. These are very normal feelings to have. You’re good! She’s minimizing what you went through. She is basically telling you your thoughts and feelings don’t matter. Not today, Satan.”
The same Redditor wrote, “You and your husband do you. Stand strong. They’ll come crawling back if they want a place in their grandkid’s life, on your terms. Your rules are the rules. They can have whatever feelings they want over them. They’re still the rules.”
Do you think OP was wrong for not sending photos of her baby to her parents? What are your opinions on the matter?
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This post first appeared as She Refused to Send Her Parents Photos of Her Newborn, Worried About His Safety and Privacy. Now They’re Treating Her Husband “Rudely,” Saying Waiting for a Picture Was “Torture!” on Quote Ambition.