She’s supported her cousin in every volleyball game, so she expected the same when she was about to get married. But her cousin chose to play instead of putting her wedding first!
The Girls in the Family
Twenty-nine-year-old OP (Original Poster) asked her 2 female cousins, G, 22, and L, 16, to be her wedding candle lighters. OP has no sisters, and G and L are her only cousins since her mom only had one brother and her father is an only child.
As Important as Everyone Else
Upon asking G and L, OP said she wanted them to feel like they were part of the wedding party. So, OP wanted them to get dresses like the other bridesmaids and take pictures with everyone.
Both cousins seemed extremely excited and agreed with OP’s idea.
An Unexpected Overlap
Several months flew by, and OP received a text message from her aunt, saying she couldn’t believe it, but L has a volleyball tournament the same weekend as OP’s wedding, and they don’t know the schedule yet. Initially, they said they’d try to attend both events.
OP noted, “Mind you, the tournament is three hours away from the wedding.”
A Change in Perspective
However, as time passed, it wasn’t a concern anymore if L would make the tournament, but a question of whether she would like the wedding.
Constant Uncertainty
Finally, it was time for OP to make the wedding programs, so she had to ask her cousin if she’d be attending or not. But again, OP received the same answer: if she’s done with the tournament by that time, then she’ll be at the wedding.
No Longer Invited
The thing is, OP didn’t want someone in her wedding party who wasn’t fully committed to being there for her. So, she kicked her cousin out of the wedding.
Supportive Cousin
OP has been to so many of L’s volleyball games where the day had been obviously about her. OP wanted her wedding day to be about herself and her now-husband.
Plenty of Opportunities
In OP’s mind, since L is still in 10th grade, she still has 2 more years to play in high school. Aside from that, she plays volleyball during winter, so missing one tournament shouldn’t be a huge deal, especially for a wedding.
What’s a Wedding Anyway?
OP felt deeply hurt, especially hearing from G that all L wanted to do was play volleyball, saying she couldn’t care less about the wedding.
Been There, Done That
Back in high school and college, OP also played sports, so she understands L’s commitment to her team. But even before the tournament came about, L had already committed to OP’s wedding in September.
OP wrote, “The tournament came out in June, seven months after I had asked and two months before my wedding. I am not cruel to her or anyone else. I just have chosen not to make them a priority in my life anymore.”
Family Dispute
Since then, their families haven’t been close and haven’t even celebrated holidays together.
Redditors’ Viewpoints
People pointed out that OP and L have different priorities and that it was okay for OP to remove her cousin from the wedding, but it was wrong to expect her to give up what was important to her.
The top commenter wrote, “Listen, your priority is your wedding, as it should be. Her priority is her team, as it should be. You are right in asking her to step down. You are wrong to expect her to ditch her team for your wedding. She has a prior commitment to her team, and she is honoring it as any committed athlete would and should. Not the a**hole unless you get s***** with her about it.”
Adult vs. Child
Redditors called out OP for being an immature adult and told her to leave her cousin alone.
Someone said, “Not the a**hole. But some advice: let this go. And stop keeping score with a 16-year-old. You’re more than a decade older than her.”
Another one wrote, “You didn’t really kick her out. She committed, then couldn’t commit anymore. The stuff about wanting a child to make a day about you, a 29-year-old. That’s a little gross.”
A Teenager’s Priorities
The community was disappointed that OP was willing to risk their families’ relationships over her cousin not committing to her wedding.
A Redditor said, “You’re the a**hole for holding a grudge against a child. She’s in high school. Sports mean a lot to her, just as your wedding means a lot to you. Sure, kick her out of your wedding, but to sever relations is childish.”
Another person commented, “You’re the a**hole for being upset a 16-year-old wouldn’t drop everything for your wedding. She’s a kid. Of course, she cares more about volleyball than her cousin’s wedding.”
What can you say about the matter? Was OP wrong?
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This post first appeared as She Uninvited Her 16-Year-Old Cousin From Her Wedding for Choosing to Attend Her Volleyball Tournament Instead of Prioritizing the Nuptial. Now, There’s a Gap in Their Families! on Quote Ambition.
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