100 of the Greatest 30 Rock Quotes on Life, Love, and More

If you’re feeling down and need a pick-me-up, read these 30 Rock quotes about everything from friendship, fun, work, and more!

30 Rock is widely considered one of the best sitcoms of all time. It is a television series created by Tina Fey that depicts her experience as a show’s head writer and how she deals with her arrogant boss and crazy new artists. Throughout the story, she tries to balance all the egos and contrasting personalities around her while pursuing her own dream.

Whether you like the show or not, we are confident that it will bring you joy and teach you valuable lessons. So, if you’re interested in the story, keep reading and get ready to laugh your head off!

Let’s start here.

And don’t forget to check out these Liz Lemon quotes and New Girl quotes.

Best 30 Rock Quotes

Best Quotes On Fake Friends
Best Quotes On Fake Friends

1. “One of my New Year’s resolutions is to say ‘yes.’ Yes to love, yes to life, yes to staying in more.” – Liz Lemon

2. “I don’t need a birthday ‘cause I buy myself all the presents I need. And because of my drinking, they’re usually a surprise.” – Kenneth Parcell

3. “Oh, Lemon, please. Money can’t buy happiness. Money is happiness.” – Jack Donaghy

4. “Relationships are like sharks, Liz. If you’re not left with several bite marks after intercourse, then something’s wrong.” – Jenna Maroney

5. “Never follow a hippie to a second location.” – Jack Donaghy

6. “When I was pageanting, my mother told me there are only three things standing between you and winning: your breasts, and wanting it bad enough.” – Jenna Maroney

7. “Absolutely! Science is whatever we want it to be.” – Dr. Leo Spaceman

8. “There are no bad ideas, Lemon, only great ideas that go horribly wrong.” – Jack Donaghy

9. “If reality TV has taught us anything, it’s that you can’t keep people with no shame down.” – Liz Lemon

30 Rock Quotes From Liz Lemon

10. “You can’t solve all your problems by shooting someone or setting a stranger on fire.” – Liz Lemon

11. “Lovers—oh, that word bums me out unless it’s between meat and pizza.” – Liz Lemon

12. “There ain’t no party like a Liz Lemon party ’cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory!” – Liz Lemon

13. “Everyone I ever dated in high school turned out to be either gay or a girl dressed as a guy to get a journalism scholarship.” – Liz Lemon

14. “Do you need sex advice? Here’s a tip. Sometimes a lady likes to leave her blazer on.” – Liz Lemon

15. “God, are you doing this to me ’cause I took that blind guy’s hot dog?” – Liz Lemon

16. “You didn’t realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel?” – Liz Lemon

17. “I did big sister in college. That little girl taught me how to use tampons.” – Liz Lemon

18. “Fine, I’ll be okay. I got other ideas, like a microbrewery that also serves frozen yogurt. Imma call it—Microsoft.” – Liz Lemon

19. “I don’t care! I’ll start my own group! Rejection from society is what created the X-Men!” – Liz Lemon

20. “I’m sorry I’m a real woman and not some oversexed New York nympho like those sluts on ‘Everybody Loves Raymond.’” – Liz Lemon 

21. “I want to roll my eyes right now, but the doctor says that if I keep doing it, my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.” – Liz Lemon

22. “People on the sidewalk, we can’t give up on the written word! We need stories! Because I don’t have a plan B. I have a degree in Theater Tech with a minor in Movement. Why did my parents let me do that?!” – Liz Lemon

23. “Really, you wanna exchange creative gifts? Oh, well, you are the one that’s in trouble now buddy, because creativity to me is just like—it’s like a bird, like a friendly bird that embraces all—ideas, and just shoots—out of its eyes all kinds of beauty.” – Liz Lemon

24. “Realizations are the worst.” – Liz Lemon

Also read: The Office Quotes, Prison Mike Quotes

30 Rock Quotes From Jack Donaghy

25. “I don’t sleep on planes. I don’t want to get incepted.” – Jack Donaghy

26. “We all have ways of coping. I use sex and awesomeness.” – Jack Donaghy

27. “Dating is like your haircut. Sometimes awkward triangles occur.” – Jack Donaghy

28. “Factories provide three things this country desperately needs: jobs, pride, and material for Bruce Springsteen songs.” – Jack Donaghy

29. “Every time I meet a new person, I figure out how I’m gonna fight ’em.” – Jack Donaghy

30. “Good God! Lemon, those jeans make you look like a Mexican sports reporter!” – Jack Donaghy

31. “I believe that when you have a problem, you talk it over with your priest, or your tailor, or the mute elevator porter at your men’s club. Then you take that problem and you crush it with your mind. But for lesser beings, like curly-haired men and people who need glasses, therapy can help.” – Jack Donaghy

32. “You know what family means to me, Lemon? Resentment. Guilt. Anger. Easter egg hunts that turn into knife fights.” – Jack Donaghy

33. “Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them to survive. Haven’t you ever read my throw pillow?” – Jack Donaghy

34. “Lemon, I would like to teach you something. I would like to be Michelle Pfeiffer to your angry black kid who learns that poetry is just another way to rap.” – Jack Donaghy

35. “The look on Bianca’s face right before she choked you. That was the most satisfying thing.” – Jack Donaghy

36. “Lemon, you look terrible, and I once watched you eat oysters while you had a cold.” – Jack Donaghy

37. “What’s wrong, Lemon? When I see you chewing your nails like that, it’s either you’re very anxious, or you handled some ham earlier.” – Jack Donaghy

38. “You want a confession? Let’s get this done so I can go eat. I’m divorced. I take the Lord’s name in vain often and with great relish. I hit my mother with a car, possibly by accident.” – Jack Donaghy

39. “I’m not a creative type like you, with your work sneakers and left-handedness.” – Jack Donaghy

Also read: Parks and Recreation Quotes, Shameless Quotes

30 Rock Quotes From Tracy Jordan

40. “I’m gonna say to you what I say to all my sharks right before they die: let’s go outside.” – Tracy Jordan

41. “You’re wise, Liz Lemon. Like a genetically-manipulated shark.” – Tracy Jordan

42. “Your boos are not scaring me. I know most of you are not ghosts!” – Tracy Jordan

43. “A book hasn’t caused me this much trouble since ‘Where’s Waldo’ went to that barber pole factory.” – Tracy Jordan

44. “Tell her you want her to donate her body to science and you’re science. Tell her, Jack!” – Tracy Jordan

45. “I believe that the moon does not exist. I believe that vampires are the world’s greatest golfers but their curse is they never get a chance to prove it. I believe that there are 31 letters in the white alphabet. Wait, what was the question?” – Tracy Jordan

46. “Here’s some advice I wish I woulda got when I was your age: live every week like it’s Shark Week.” – Tracy Jordan

47. “I’m not going to rehearse. I’m going to get a sandwich and then eat it on the toilet.” – Tracy Jordan

48. “Stop eating people’s old French fries, pigeon! Have some self-respect! Don’t you know you can fly?” – Tracy Jordan

49. “Verdukianism. It’s fake. Those dudes made it up because they didn’t want to do Secret Santa.” – Tracy Jordan

Also read: Mad Men Quotes

30 Rock Quotes From Jenna Maroney

50. “You know what they say, boys. If you can’t stand the heat, get off of Mickey Rourke’s sex grill.” – Jenna Maroney

51. “Fine, I’ll set aside my feud with Raven Symone for one day, but she knows what she did.” – Jenna Maroney

52. “I’m not going to be pushed around and forgotten, like that time at my sister’s funeral.” – Jenna Maroney

53. “I’m sure she’s down there, chain-smoking, sitting on the curb, waiting for me to come out. Just like the day I was born.” – Jenna Maroney

54. “You look like that flashcard they told me means sadness.” – Jenna Maroney

55. “You’re engaged?! What if the bachelorette party theme was ‘sluts?’” – Jenna Maroney

56. “This is a nightmare. My nemeses—Abigail Breslin and that woman from those Progressive Insurance commercials—are in the audience.” – Jenna Maroney

57. “Oh, don’t look at me like I’m a football game.” – Jenna Maroney

58. “I don’t know a lot about business. But he did the internet and now the computers like him and Wall Street is Google.” – Jenna Maroney

59. “There’s no ‘I’ or ‘me’ in ‘America.’” – Jenna Maroney

Also read: Yellowstone Quotes, Beth Dutton Quotes

30 Rock Quotes From Kenneth Parcell

60. “There are only two things I love in this world: everybody and television.” – Kenneth Parcell

61. “If you’re not reading the Bible in German, you’re not getting the real versteckte bedeutung out of it.” – Kenneth Parcell

62. “I don’t vote Republican or Democrat. Choosing is a sin, so I always just write in the Lord’s name!” – Kenneth Parcell

63. “I feel about as useless as a mom’s college degree.” – Kenneth Parcell

64. “I wouldn’t have this job if it wasn’t for the mouth in my back.” – Kenneth Parcell

65. “Miss Maroney, your Mexican diet pills came. Should I start taking them to test their side effects?” – Kenneth Parcell

66. “Well, I’ll tell you my secret, sir. I lie to myself. Every morning, when I wake up, I say everything’s going to be okay, but I’m lying, and I don’t know how much longer I can do it. Have a swell night, sir!” – Kenneth Parcell

67. “Global warming? Sorry, sir, that’s just scientist talk. The same people who say my grandfather was a monkey. If that’s true, why was he killed by a monkey?” – Kenneth Parcell

68. “I don’t drink hot liquids of any kind. That’s the devil’s temperature.” – Kenneth Parcell

69. “I can talk to animals. Well, not talk to ’em. I can take commands from them.” – Kenneth Parcell

30 Rock Quotes That’ll Make You Think

70. “Lemon, what happened in your childhood to make you believe that people are good?” – Jack Donaghy

71. “The beeper’s gonna be making a comeback. Technology’s cyclical.” – Dennis Duffy

72. “What would this country be if our economy didn’t allow wealthy people to take advantage of rubes?” – Kenneth Parcell

73. “That’s what religion is, K-Fed. Just a bunch of made-up rules to manipulate people. Why don’t Catholics eat meat on Fridays? I’ll tell you why. Because the Pope owns Long John Silvers.” – Tracy Jordan

74. “Do you ever wonder, Lemon, what your life would be like if you had never left your hometown?” – Jack Donaghy

75. “I didn’t get a bathroom door that looks like a wall by not being good at business.” – Jack Donaghy

76. “I really don’t think it’s fair for me to be on a jury since I’m a hologram.” – Liz Lemon

77. Criss Chros: “Liz, it’s okay to be a human woman!” 

Liz Lemon: “No, it’s not! It’s the worst, because of society!”

78. “Come on, Lemon. What do we elites do when we screw up? We pretend it never happened and give ourselves a giant bonus.” – Jack Donaghy

79. “Long distance is wrong distance.” – Liz Lemon

Funny 30 Rock Quotes

80. “It wouldn’t be a Lemon party without Old Dick!” – Dick Lemon

81. “Ugh, I hate January. It’s dark and freezing and everyone’s wearing bulky coats, so you can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.” – Liz Lemon

82. “Good God, Lemon, your breath! When did you find time to eat a diaper you found on the beach?” – Liz Lemon

83. “I like when a woman has ambition. It’s like seeing a dog wearing clothes.” – Jack Donaghy

84. “Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.” – Tracy Jordan

85. “God, are you punishing me because my hair is better than yours?” – Jack Donaghy

86. “If I could press a button and five people in the world would die, but I’d get free cable for life, I’d do it.” – Liz Lemon

87. “Miss Lemon, your eyes look like my uncle’s after he would drink from the air conditioner.” – Kenneth Parcell

88. “Lemon, women your age are more likely to get mauled at the zoo than get married.” – Jack Donaghy

89. “Do you know what a prize I am in the gay community? There’s a term for it: I’m a bear and I’m a daddy. I’m a daddy bear.” – Jack Donaghy

More 30 Rock Quotes for Everyone Who Loves This Series

90. “If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: when a child doesn’t see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself.” – Liz Lemon

91. “What can you do? Medicine’s not a science.” – Dr. Leo Spaceman

92. “TGS with Tracy Jordan without Tracy Jordan is an oxymoron, like ‘liberal government’ or ‘female scientist.'” – Jack Donaghy

93. “It doesn’t matter how long you’ve lived in New York. It’s still fun to look up and pretend all the buildings are giant severed robot penises.” – Liz Lemon

94. “Science is my most favorite subject, especially the Old Testament.” – Kenneth Parcell

95. “Sometimes the right thing and the hard thing are the same things. I read that on a teabag.” – Liz Lemon

96. Liz Lemon: “You’re my last hope. Please tell me you know this is temporary.”

Kenneth Parcell: “Of course it is. ‘Cause I’m gonna find a way to save the show! Lemme just take out my ideal journal. Hmm. This just says ‘bird internet.’”

97. “Dear Liz Lemon, while other women have bigger boobs than you, no woman has as big a heart.” – Dennis Duffy

98. “I am telling everyone here that there’s no way I can be pregnant because I have had my period for the last 61 days.” – Liz Lemon

99. “I’m thirsty. Family! Who’s in charge of my thirst?” – Tracy Jordan

100. Carmen Chao: “What is wrong with you?” 

Liz Lemon: “Almost everything.”

What Valuable Lessons Did You Take Away From Each of the Series’ Main Characters?

It’s been more than a decade since 30 Rock was released, but it still feels as current as ever. Whether you’ve seen the series before or not, there’s always a life lesson to be learned from it, especially from each of the main characters.

Throughout the series, we saw Liz Lemon’s dedication and perseverance in pursuing her dreams. She reminded us that we should not give up on our life goals. Though there’s a long road ahead of us, we’ll never know what things are waiting for us at the end.

Another noteworthy point is Tracy, Jenna, and Kenneth’s sense of humor and positive outlook on life. Yes, it is difficult to remain calm and confident that everything will be fine. However, confidence and belief in oneself allow you to keep the positive vibes flowing!

Of course, Jack Donaghy wouldn’t be late to the party, either! This guy instilled in us the importance of making sound decisions and standing firm in the face of adversity. He may be arrogant and strict, but he’s the boss you’d want to work for.

Overall, this show truly rocks our hearts, minds, and souls and provides us with wise words to live by. Live out your best lives and keep the pieces of advice from 30 Rock close to you!

Are there other 30 Rock quotes we’ve missed? Which of these quotes are your favorites? Comment below!