If you’re feeling down and need a pick-me-up, read these 30 Rock quotes about everything from friendship, fun, work, and more!
30 Rock is widely considered one of the best sitcoms of all time. It is a television series created by Tina Fey that depicts her experience as a show’s head writer and how she deals with her arrogant boss and crazy new artists. Throughout the story, she tries to balance all the egos and contrasting personalities around her while pursuing her own dream.
Whether you like the show or not, we are confident that it will bring you joy and teach you valuable lessons. So, if you’re interested in the story, keep reading and get ready to laugh your head off!
Let’s start here.
And don’t forget to check out these Liz Lemon quotes and New Girl quotes.
Best 30 Rock Quotes
1. “One of my New Year’s resolutions is to say ‘yes.’ Yes to love, yes to life, yes to staying in more.” – Liz Lemon
2. “I don’t need a birthday ‘cause I buy myself all the presents I need. And because of my drinking, they’re usually a surprise.” – Kenneth Parcell
3. “Oh, Lemon, please. Money can’t buy happiness. Money is happiness.” – Jack Donaghy
4. “Relationships are like sharks, Liz. If you’re not left with several bite marks after intercourse, then something’s wrong.” – Jenna Maroney
5. “Never follow a hippie to a second location.” – Jack Donaghy
6. “When I was pageanting, my mother told me there are only three things standing between you and winning: your breasts, and wanting it bad enough.” – Jenna Maroney
7. “Absolutely! Science is whatever we want it to be.” – Dr. Leo Spaceman
8. “There are no bad ideas, Lemon, only great ideas that go horribly wrong.” – Jack Donaghy
9. “If reality TV has taught us anything, it’s that you can’t keep people with no shame down.” – Liz Lemon
30 Rock Quotes From Liz Lemon
10. “You can’t solve all your problems by shooting someone or setting a stranger on fire.” – Liz Lemon
11. “Lovers—oh, that word bums me out unless it’s between meat and pizza.” – Liz Lemon
12. “There ain’t no party like a Liz Lemon party ’cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory!” – Liz Lemon
13. “Everyone I ever dated in high school turned out to be either gay or a girl dressed as a guy to get a journalism scholarship.” – Liz Lemon
14. “Do you need sex advice? Here’s a tip. Sometimes a lady likes to leave her blazer on.” – Liz Lemon
15. “God, are you doing this to me ’cause I took that blind guy’s hot dog?” – Liz Lemon
16. “You didn’t realize emotion could be a weapon? Have you not read the poetry of Jewel?” – Liz Lemon
17. “I did big sister in college. That little girl taught me how to use tampons.” – Liz Lemon
18. “Fine, I’ll be okay. I got other ideas, like a microbrewery that also serves frozen yogurt. Imma call it—Microsoft.” – Liz Lemon
19. “I don’t care! I’ll start my own group! Rejection from society is what created the X-Men!” – Liz Lemon
20. “I’m sorry I’m a real woman and not some oversexed New York nympho like those sluts on ‘Everybody Loves Raymond.’” – Liz Lemon
21. “I want to roll my eyes right now, but the doctor says that if I keep doing it, my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.” – Liz Lemon
22. “People on the sidewalk, we can’t give up on the written word! We need stories! Because I don’t have a plan B. I have a degree in Theater Tech with a minor in Movement. Why did my parents let me do that?!” – Liz Lemon
23. “Really, you wanna exchange creative gifts? Oh, well, you are the one that’s in trouble now buddy, because creativity to me is just like—it’s like a bird, like a friendly bird that embraces all—ideas, and just shoots—out of its eyes all kinds of beauty.” – Liz Lemon
24. “Realizations are the worst.” – Liz Lemon
Also read: Prison Mike Quotes
30 Rock Quotes From Jack Donaghy
25. “I don’t sleep on planes. I don’t want to get incepted.” – Jack Donaghy
26. “We all have ways of coping. I use sex and awesomeness.” – Jack Donaghy
27. “Dating is like your haircut. Sometimes awkward triangles occur.” – Jack Donaghy
28. “Factories provide three things this country desperately needs: jobs, pride, and material for Bruce Springsteen songs.” – Jack Donaghy
29. “Every time I meet a new person, I figure out how I’m gonna fight ’em.” – Jack Donaghy
30. “Good God! Lemon, those jeans make you look like a Mexican sports reporter!” – Jack Donaghy
31. “I believe that when you have a problem, you talk it over with your priest, or your tailor, or the mute elevator porter at your men’s club. Then you take that problem and you crush it with your mind. But for lesser beings, like curly-haired men and people who need glasses, therapy can help.” – Jack Donaghy
32. “You know what family means to me, Lemon? Resentment. Guilt. Anger. Easter egg hunts that turn into knife fights.” – Jack Donaghy
33. “Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them to survive. Haven’t you ever read my throw pillow?” – Jack Donaghy
34. “Lemon, I would like to teach you something. I would like to be Michelle Pfeiffer to your angry black kid who learns that poetry is just another way to rap.” – Jack Donaghy
35. “The look on Bianca’s face right before she choked you. That was the most satisfying thing.” – Jack Donaghy
36. “Lemon, you look terrible, and I once watched you eat oysters while you had a cold.” – Jack Donaghy
37. “What’s wrong, Lemon? When I see you chewing your nails like that, it’s either you’re very anxious, or you handled some ham earlier.” – Jack Donaghy
38. “You want a confession? Let’s get this done so I can go eat. I’m divorced. I take the Lord’s name in vain often and with great relish. I hit my mother with a car, possibly by accident.” – Jack Donaghy
39. “I’m not a creative type like you, with your work sneakers and left-handedness.” – Jack Donaghy
Also read: Parks and Recreation Quotes, Shameless Quotes
30 Rock Quotes From Tracy Jordan
40. “I’m gonna say to you what I say to all my sharks right before they die: let’s go outside.” – Tracy Jordan
41. “You’re wise, Liz Lemon. Like a genetically-manipulated shark.” – Tracy Jordan
42. “Your boos are not scaring me. I know most of you are not ghosts!” – Tracy Jordan
43. “A book hasn’t caused me this much trouble since ‘Where’s Waldo’ went to that barber pole factory.” – Tracy Jordan
44. “Tell her you want her to donate her body to science and you’re science. Tell her, Jack!” – Tracy Jordan
45. “I believe that the moon does not exist. I believe that vampires are the world’s greatest golfers but their curse is they never get a chance to prove it. I believe that there are 31 letters in the white alphabet. Wait, what was the question?” – Tracy Jordan
46. “Here’s some advice I wish I woulda got when I was your age: live every week like it’s Shark Week.” – Tracy Jordan
47. “I’m not going to rehearse. I’m going to get a sandwich and then eat it on the toilet.” – Tracy Jordan
48. “Stop eating people’s old French fries, pigeon! Have some self-respect! Don’t you know you can fly?” – Tracy Jordan
49. “Verdukianism. It’s fake. Those dudes made it up because they didn’t want to do Secret Santa.” – Tracy Jordan
Also read: Mad Men Quotes
30 Rock Quotes From Jenna Maroney
50. “You know what they say, boys. If you can’t stand the heat, get off of Mickey Rourke’s sex grill.” – Jenna Maroney
51. “Fine, I’ll set aside my feud with Raven Symone for one day, but she knows what she did.” – Jenna Maroney
52. “I’m not going to be pushed around and forgotten, like that time at my sister’s funeral.” – Jenna Maroney
53. “I’m sure she’s down there, chain-smoking, sitting on the curb, waiting for me to come out. Just like the day I was born.” – Jenna Maroney
54. “You look like that flashcard they told me means sadness.” – Jenna Maroney
55. “You’re engaged?! What if the bachelorette party theme was ‘sluts?’” – Jenna Maroney
56. “This is a nightmare. My nemeses—Abigail Breslin and that woman from those Progressive Insurance commercials—are in the audience.” – Jenna Maroney
57. “Oh, don’t look at me like I’m a football game.” – Jenna Maroney
58. “I don’t know a lot about business. But he did the internet and now the computers like him and Wall Street is Google.” – Jenna Maroney
59. “There’s no ‘I’ or ‘me’ in ‘America.’” – Jenna Maroney
Also read: Yellowstone Quotes, Beth Dutton Quotes
30 Rock Quotes From Kenneth Parcell
60. “There are only two things I love in this world: everybody and television.” – Kenneth Parcell
61. “If you’re not reading the Bible in German, you’re not getting the real versteckte bedeutung out of it.” – Kenneth Parcell
62. “I don’t vote Republican or Democrat. Choosing is a sin, so I always just write in the Lord’s name!” – Kenneth Parcell
63. “I feel about as useless as a mom’s college degree.” – Kenneth Parcell
64. “I wouldn’t have this job if it wasn’t for the mouth in my back.” – Kenneth Parcell
65. “Miss Maroney, your Mexican diet pills came. Should I start taking them to test their side effects?” – Kenneth Parcell
66. “Well, I’ll tell you my secret, sir. I lie to myself. Every morning, when I wake up, I say everything’s going to be okay, but I’m lying, and I don’t know how much longer I can do it. Have a swell night, sir!” – Kenneth Parcell
67. “Global warming? Sorry, sir, that’s just scientist talk. The same people who say my grandfather was a monkey. If that’s true, why was he killed by a monkey?” – Kenneth Parcell
68. “I don’t drink hot liquids of any kind. That’s the devil’s temperature.” – Kenneth Parcell
69. “I can talk to animals. Well, not talk to ’em. I can take commands from them.” – Kenneth Parcell
30 Rock Quotes That’ll Make You Think
70. “Lemon, what happened in your childhood to make you believe that people are good?” – Jack Donaghy
71. “The beeper’s gonna be making a comeback. Technology’s cyclical.” – Dennis Duffy
72. “What would this country be if our economy didn’t allow wealthy people to take advantage of rubes?” – Kenneth Parcell
73. “That’s what religion is, K-Fed. Just a bunch of made-up rules to manipulate people. Why don’t Catholics eat meat on Fridays? I’ll tell you why. Because the Pope owns Long John Silvers.” – Tracy Jordan
74. “Do you ever wonder, Lemon, what your life would be like if you had never left your hometown?” – Jack Donaghy
75. “I didn’t get a bathroom door that looks like a wall by not being good at business.” – Jack Donaghy
76. “I really don’t think it’s fair for me to be on a jury since I’m a hologram.” – Liz Lemon
77. Criss Chros: “Liz, it’s okay to be a human woman!”
Liz Lemon: “No, it’s not! It’s the worst, because of society!”
78. “Come on, Lemon. What do we elites do when we screw up? We pretend it never happened and give ourselves a giant bonus.” – Jack Donaghy
79. “Long distance is wrong distance.” – Liz Lemon
Funny 30 Rock Quotes
80. “It wouldn’t be a Lemon party without Old Dick!” – Dick Lemon
81. “Ugh, I hate January. It’s dark and freezing and everyone’s wearing bulky coats, so you can do some serious subway flirting before you realize the guy is homeless.” – Liz Lemon
82. “Good God, Lemon, your breath! When did you find time to eat a diaper you found on the beach?” – Liz Lemon
83. “I like when a woman has ambition. It’s like seeing a dog wearing clothes.” – Jack Donaghy
84. “Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.” – Tracy Jordan
85. “God, are you punishing me because my hair is better than yours?” – Jack Donaghy
86. “If I could press a button and five people in the world would die, but I’d get free cable for life, I’d do it.” – Liz Lemon
87. “Miss Lemon, your eyes look like my uncle’s after he would drink from the air conditioner.” – Kenneth Parcell
88. “Lemon, women your age are more likely to get mauled at the zoo than get married.” – Jack Donaghy
89. “Do you know what a prize I am in the gay community? There’s a term for it: I’m a bear and I’m a daddy. I’m a daddy bear.” – Jack Donaghy
More 30 Rock Quotes for Everyone Who Loves This Series
90. “If I have learned anything from my SIMS family: when a child doesn’t see his father enough he starts to jump up and down, then his mood level will drop until he pees himself.” – Liz Lemon
91. “What can you do? Medicine’s not a science.” – Dr. Leo Spaceman
92. “TGS with Tracy Jordan without Tracy Jordan is an oxymoron, like ‘liberal government’ or ‘female scientist.'” – Jack Donaghy
93. “It doesn’t matter how long you’ve lived in New York. It’s still fun to look up and pretend all the buildings are giant severed robot penises.” – Liz Lemon
94. “Science is my most favorite subject, especially the Old Testament.” – Kenneth Parcell
95. “Sometimes the right thing and the hard thing are the same things. I read that on a teabag.” – Liz Lemon
96. Liz Lemon: “You’re my last hope. Please tell me you know this is temporary.”
Kenneth Parcell: “Of course it is. ‘Cause I’m gonna find a way to save the show! Lemme just take out my ideal journal. Hmm. This just says ‘bird internet.’”
97. “Dear Liz Lemon, while other women have bigger boobs than you, no woman has as big a heart.” – Dennis Duffy
98. “I am telling everyone here that there’s no way I can be pregnant because I have had my period for the last 61 days.” – Liz Lemon
99. “I’m thirsty. Family! Who’s in charge of my thirst?” – Tracy Jordan
100. Carmen Chao: “What is wrong with you?”
Liz Lemon: “Almost everything.”
What Valuable Lessons Did You Take Away From Each of the Series’ Main Characters?
It’s been more than a decade since 30 Rock was released, but it still feels as current as ever. Whether you’ve seen the series before or not, there’s always a life lesson to be learned from it, especially from each of the main characters.
Throughout the series, we saw Liz Lemon’s dedication and perseverance in pursuing her dreams. She reminded us that we should not give up on our life goals. Though there’s a long road ahead of us, we’ll never know what things are waiting for us at the end.
Another noteworthy point is Tracy, Jenna, and Kenneth’s sense of humor and positive outlook on life. Yes, it is difficult to remain calm and confident that everything will be fine. However, confidence and belief in oneself allow you to keep the positive vibes flowing!
Of course, Jack Donaghy wouldn’t be late to the party, either! This guy instilled in us the importance of making sound decisions and standing firm in the face of adversity. He may be arrogant and strict, but he’s the boss you’d want to work for.
Overall, this show truly rocks our hearts, minds, and souls and provides us with wise words to live by. Live out your best lives and keep the pieces of advice from 30 Rock close to you!
Are there other 30 Rock quotes we’ve missed? Which of these quotes are your favorites? Comment below!
