Laugh and learn about sports and dreams through these Semi-Pro quotes!
Semi-Pro is an American sports comedy movie released in 2008. It was directed by Kent Alterman and starred Will Ferrell, Woody Harrelson, and other iconic stars.
Jackie Moon, played by Will Ferrel, is a singer who dreamed of having his very own basketball team. With the earnings he got from his one-time hit single, he purchased Flint Tropics.
Unfortunately, Flint Tropics is the worst possible team you can lead in the American Basketball Association. With this, he took on many hats—the owner, head coach, power forward, and the pre-game announcer!
Because of how bad the Flint Tropics was performing, it was on the brink of becoming dissolved. Of course, Jackie Moon did not want to let that happen. So, he did everything he could to make the impossible possible.
While Semi-Pro is filled with hilarious scenes, there’s no denying the more profound lessons embedded behind each funny line. Jackie Moon and the other characters teach us about reaching dreams, attaining goals, and teamwork.
Read the complete list below to find out more!
Best Semi-Pro Quotes
1. Lou Redwood: “You know, I might suit up tonight, Dick. Sometimes I still dream of glory.”
Dick Pepperfield: “Well, sometimes dreams can turn into nightmares, Lou.”
2. “I am great at free throws. Seriously, free throws are, like, my best thing.” – Jackie Moon
3. Lou Redwood: “Jackie Moon is Flint’s favorite son. And he has done more for this city than any human being who’s ever lived on this planet!”
Dick Pepperfield: “With the possible exception of Henry Ford, Jackie Moon has done a lot for this city; you’re right about that.”
4. “Heaven wants us to win this game! I’ll burn your house down!” – Jackie Moon
5. Jackie Moon: “Nothing in the rulebook that says you can’t play drunk.”
Dick Pepperfield: “Well, actually, there is.”
6. “In the annals of history, people are going to be talking about three things: the discovery of fire, invention of the submarine, and the Flint Michigan Mega Bowl.” – Jackie Moon
Semi-Pro Quotes and One-Liners That Will Forever Be Iconic
7. “Everybody loves everybody!” – Jackie Moon
8. “I’m so excited I can’t feel my arms!” – Jackie Moon
9. “My gosh, it is almost as if you are in some sort of basketball trance.” – Dick Pepperfield
10. “I, Jackie Moon, will wrestle a bear.” – Jackie Moon
11. “Just living in a world of urine and pancakes.” – Jackie Moon
12. “Everyone can eat shit. A big bag of shit.” – Jackie Moon
13. “If you see an opossum, kill it. It’s not a pet.” – Jackie Moon
14. “I’ve never been traded for a washing machine before. Until now.” – Ed Monix
15. “It feels like I got cat piss in my eyes.” – Jackie Moon
Funny Semi-Pro Quotes for a Quick Dose of Comedy
16. “Everybody panic! It’s just like the Titanic, but it’s full of bears!” – Jackie Moon
17. Dick Pepperfield: “How did you learn to play basketball?”
Jackie Moon: “I saw it on TV a couple of times; I thought I could do that.”
18. “Well, we’ve got an especially dirty hippy here down on the court trying to sink an impossible shot. Here comes the Alley, and there goes the oop.” – Dick Pepperfield
19. “How come it says ‘Monix’ on your jersey when your name’s ‘Pussy?’” – Petrelli
20. Lou Redwood: “Well, he sat on the bench, right? I mean, if you watch a porn movie, it doesn’t mean you got laid.”
Dick Pepperfield: “No. No, in fact, it often means the opposite.”
21. Lynn: “You think I’ve forgotten that you cheated on me twice?”
Ed Monix: “I only cheated on you once. There just had to be two women.”
22. Lou Redwood: “Oh my God—what the fuck is that? It’s incredible!”
Jackie Moon: “It’s called fondue.”
Lou Redwood: “Fon—what?”
Jackie Moon: “Fondue. Three different cheeses melted together. That’s what you’re tasting. Gorgonzola, munster, and cottage.”
Bobby Dee: “It’s the latest thing from Sweden, apparently.”
Dick Pepperfield: “Well, I’m not surprised. Those Swedes are so inventive.”
23. Jackie Moon: “Look. We were all here, we all heard what was said, and we’re in agreement. Cornelius said cocksucker, right?”
Bobby Dee: “He just said you suck cock!”
Dick Pepperfield: “That’s all he said about you!”
Semi-Pro Quotes to Revisit Your Favorite Scenes
24. “Everybody panic! Oh my God, there’s a bear loose in the coliseum! There will be no refunds! Your refund will be escaping this deathtrap with your life! If you have a small child, use it as a shield! They love the tender meat! Cover your sodas! Dewie loves sugar!” – Jackie Moon
25. Dick Pepperfield: “Lou, would you mind putting out that cigarette? It’s very unprofessional.”
Lou Redwood: “No. I like to smoke when I drink.”
26. Ed Monix: “Jackie, what are you eating?”
Jackie Moon: “I think it’s a pancake.”
Ed Monix: “How long’s that been there, Jackie?”
Jackie Moon: “It’s been here a while.”
27. Jackie Moon: “Everybody okay?”
Bobby Dee: “I think so.”
Cornelius Banks: “Yeah.”
Jackie Moon: “I’m fine.”
Bobby Dee: “Wow!”
Dick Pepperfield: “We just literally dodged a bullet.”
Jackie Moon: “We sure did. Except for Cornelius!”
Cornelius Banks: “Woah! I did get shot!”
28. “Jackie’s teammates are doing just an awful job of stabilizing his spine off the court.” – Dick Pepperfield
29. Jackie Moon: “There’ll be a lotta television cameras out there, so we just gotta be tip-top.”
Clarence Coffee Black: “So what’s the plan?”
Jackie Moon: “Brought a secret weapon. It’s going to make us look extra cool on TV.”
30. Jackie Moon: “We are going to—uh, hopefully, uh—get a live camel in here and just see what happens.”
Dick Pepperfield: “No sort of plan at all—just get the camel in here and just see what it does?”
Jackie Moon: “Let it loose.”
Dick Pepperfield: “Will this be a trained show camel? Not a professional camel in any way?”
Jackie Moon: “No. This will be a wild camel shipped over here from the Middle East.”
Dick Pepperfield: “And you are just going to get him here in the stadium and just see what happens?”
Jackie Moon: “Well, we are going to light firecrackers.”
Dick Pepperfield: “I would just like to take the opportunity to strongly advise against that.”
Jackie Moon: “Strongly advise against the greatest night in basketball history?”
Dick Pepperfield: “A wild camel, firecrackers—that just sounds like pandemonium, doesn’t it?”
Jackie Moon: “It does! That’s what we are all about here in Flint.”
What Kind of Mindset Did These Semi-Pro Quotes Give You?
We all know the saying, “Desperate times call for desperate measures.” We see this in Semi-Pro’s hilarious scenes and lines, especially in how Jackie Moon tried to bring his team to greatness.
He resulted in extreme measures to reach his goals. Albeit funny, in the end, with much effort, all his hard work paid off. This is something we can all relate to and learn from.
In life, there will be times when we’re called to make difficult decisions or act in a way we’ve never acted before. But, if it means reaching our greatest desires, we sometimes need to bend and be flexible. We must understand that great success sometimes requires us to take extreme measures.
It will be even better if, like what we’ve seen in Semi-Pro, we have a team with a similar goal and mindset as ours. Remember that multiple hands and heads working together is better than you working alone.
With that, we hope these Semi-Pro quotes were able to make your day brighter and taught you some valuable lessons on teamwork and hard work. Feel free to revisit this list whenever you need a boost or just want to laugh at Will Ferrell’s funny lines!