These Juno quotes are not only hilarious, but they will also teach you a lot about responsibility and life!
Juno is a critically-acclaimed movie that can be described as a complete package. Yes, it’s a comedy with some pretty funny scenes and lines. But, it also tackles one’s coming-of-age and the struggles that come with it.
The plot zooms in on Juno, a teenager who got pregnant and decided to give birth instead of an abortion. She may have thought that this decision would only affect her and her baby’s life. But, little did she know that this one decision would change the lives of everyone around her.
Buckle up and ready yourself for some laughter coupled with life-changing wisdom. We’re sure the movie will help you realize the importance of having a supportive and loving family, as well as the need for accountability.
Check out the complete collection below!
Best Juno Quotes
1. “I never realize how much I like being home unless I’ve been somewhere really different for a while.” – Juno
2. “I just need to know that it’s possible that two people can stay happy together forever.’’ – Juno
3. “Someday, you’ll be back here, honey. On your terms.” – Mac
4. “I’m just, like, losing my faith with humanity.” – Juno
5. “I don’t know what kind of girl I am.” – Juno
6. “Doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream.” – Bren
7. “You’re not going to be a pop–pop. Somebody else is going to find a precious blessing from Jesus in this garbage dump of a situation.” – Bren
8. Juno: “I’m not ready to be a mom.”
Mac: “Damn skippy you’re not! You don’t even remember to give Liberty Bell her breathing meds.”
Sweet Juno Quotes That Will Give You the Support You Need
9. “Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.” – Mac
10. Juno: “I think I am in love with you.
Paulie: “You mean as friends?”
Juno: “No—I mean, like, for real. ‘Cause you’re, like, the coolest person I’ve ever met, and you don’t even have to try, you know.”
Paulie: “I try really hard, actually.”
11. “Whoa, dream big!” – Juno
12. “I think it’s ’cause my heart starts pounding every time I see you.” – Juno
13. “Well, it’s not easy, that’s for sure. Now, I may not have the best track record in the world, but I have been with your stepmother for 10 years now and I’m proud to say that we’re very happy.” – Mac
14. “Yeah sure you have your old D-A-D! You know I’ll always be there to love you and support you no matter what kind of pickle you’re in—obviously.” – Mac
15. “My stepmom is forcing me to eat really healthy. She won’t even let me stand in front of the microwave or eat red M&Ms.” – Juno
Funny Juno Quotes on Love
16. “As boyfriends go, Paulie Bleeker is totally boss. He is the cheese to my macaroni. And I know people are supposed to fall in love before they reproduce, but I guess normalcy isn’t really our style.” – Juno
17. “Are you having boy troubles? Because I gotta be honest with you; I don’t much approve of dating in your condition, ’cause well—that’s kind of messed up.” – Mac
18. “You’re, like, naturally smart, and you’re not like everyone else. You don’t stare at my stomach all the time, you look at my face and every time I see you, the baby starts kicking super hard.” – Juno
19. Juno: “I’m going to really start looking like a dork soon. Will you still think I’m cute if I’m huge?’’
Paulie: “I always think you’re cute. I think you’re beautiful.”
Also read: True Love Quotes
Funny Juno Quotes
20. “Shoulda gone to China. They give away babies like free iPods. They put them in guns and shoot them out at sporting events.” – Juno
21. “I hate it when adults use the term ‘sexually active.’ What does it even mean? Am I gonna, like, deactivate some day or is it a permanent state of being?” – Juno
22. “Nah—I mean, I’m already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?” – Juno
23. “Can I use the facilities? Because being pregnant makes me pee like a Seabiscuit!” – Juno
24. “I’ll take some of these. Nope—there it is. The little pink plus sign is so unholy.” – Juno
25. Gerta: “So Juno, how far along are you?”
Juno: “I’m a Junior.”
Gerta: “I mean in your pregnancy.”
26. “Excuse me. I am a sacred vessel, alright? All you’ve got in your stomach is Taco Bell.” – Juno
27. “Why does everyone think yellow is gender-neutral? I never knew a guy with a yellow room.” – Juno
28. “That ain’t no etch-a-sketch. This is one doodle that can’t be undid, home skillet.” – Rollo
29. “And I’m gonna punch that Bleeker kid in the wiener next time I see him.” – Mac
30. “You seem to be getting pregnanter these days.” – Paulie
31. Paulie: “I still have your underwear.”
Juno: “I still have your virginity.”
Also read: Funny Quotes
Interesting Juno Quotes That Zoom in on Adoption
32. Gerta: “So, we all agree that a closed adoption is the best decision for all involved?’’
Juno: “Shit! Yes! Close it up!”
33. “No, I heard you. I just, like, don’t want to give the baby to a family that describes themselves as ‘wholesome.’ Well, I don’t know, I just want something a little more edgier.” – Juno
34. Leah: “All right, how about this one? ‘Healthy, educated couple seeking the infant to join our family of five. You will be compensated. Help us complete the circle of love.’”
Juno: “Yeesh, they sound like a cult, is what they sound like! And besides, they already have three kids. They’re just like greedy little bitches!”
35. “You should look at adoption ads. I see them all the time in the Penny Saver.” – Leah
36. “But, uh ah, I’m going to give it up for adoption and I already found the perfect couple, they’re going to pay for the medical expenses and everything. And, and what, 30 or odd weeks we can just pretend that this never happened.” – Juno
37. “It’s a baby. It’s your baby. It kinda looks like it’s waving, you know, like it’s saying, ‘Hey Vanessa, will you be my mom?’” – Juno
38. “I was thinking I could, like, have this baby, and give it to someone that, like, totally needs it, like a woman with a bum ovary or a couple of nice lesbos.” – Juno
Also read: Jennifer’s Body Quotes
Juno Quotes to Remind You of How Complicated Relationships Can Be
39. “I’m just saying that this is—this is something that’s never gonna happen. You know—your shirt is stupid. Grow up. If I have to wait for you to become Kurt Cobain, I’m never gonna be a mother.” – Vanessa
40. Leah: “Are you jealous? I thought you said you didn’t care what he did.”
Juno: “I’m not jealous, and I don’t care. I just know he doesn’t like Katrina and I don’t think he should toy with her emotions like that. She seems so nice and all.”
41. Juno: “What? ‘Cause I got bored and had sex with you and I didn’t want to, like, marry you?”
Paulie: “Like I’d marry you! You’d be the meanest wife ever, okay? And I know that you weren’t bored that day because there was a lot of stuff on TV, and then, The Blair Witch Project was coming on Starz and you were like, ‘I haven’t seen this since it came out,’ and if so we should watch it and then, ‘But oh, no, we should just make out instead la la la.’”
42. “Fine! Call me when you learn how to love someone instead of cheating at your brother’s college. Just because you had four Smirnoff Ices and a bottle of snow peak peach flavored Boones.” – Amanda
43. “I should be royally ticked off at you. I should be really cheesed off, I shouldn’t want to talk to you anymore.” – Paulie
Juno Quotes to Give You an Idea of How Messy Teenage Years Are
44. Mac: “Where you been?”
Juno: “Oh, just out dealing with things way beyond my maturity level.”
45. “The funny thing is that Steve Rendazo secretly wants me. Jocks like him always want freaky girls. Girls with horn-rimmed glasses and vegan footwear and Goth makeup. Girls who play the cello and wear Converse All-Stars and want to be children’s librarians when they grow up. Oh yeah, jocks eat that shit up. They just won’t admit it, because they’re supposed to be into perfect cheerleaders like Leah. Who, incidentally, is into teachers.” – Juno
46. Juno: “God, why is everyone always staring at me?”
Leah: “Well, you are kind of—convex.”
Juno: “Wow, someone’s been actually doing her geometry homework for once!”
Leah: “I don’t have a choice. Keith’s been grading me really hard lately.”
47. “I think that kids get bored and have intercourse.” – Bren
More Juno Quotes for Those Curious About Pregnancy
48. Vanessa: “You think you’re really going to do this?”
Juno: “Yeah, if I could just have the thing and give it to you now, I totally would. But I’m guessing it looks probably like a sea monkey right now and we should let it get a little cuter.”
49. Leah: “God you’re getting huge. How many months has it been now?”
Juno: “Um it’s coming up on the eighth. You should see me naked.”
Leah: “I wish my funbags would get bigger.”
Juno: “Trust me, you don’t. I actually have to wear a bra now and I have to rub this nasty cocoa butter stuff all over myself or my skin could get stretched too far and explode.”
50. “But then you’re gonna get, like, huge, and your chest is gonna milktate, and you’re gonna have to, like, tell people that you’re pregnant.” – Leah
Who Do You Look To for Support and Advice When You Need Help?
Some people may just pass Juno up as the usual comedy or coming-of-age movie. But, it’s not; it’s a masterpiece because it gives us a clear picture of life and what goes on every day around us. We can’t always get things right; thus, it’s essential to have a great support system around us.
Teenagers may have it worst out of everyone. They’re surrounded by temptation and are just at the cusp of being grown-ups who can decide more soundly. Because of this, they tend to be more impulsive and ignorant of the possible consequences of their actions.
This is where adults—our parents and family—come into play. Though they’re not immune to mistakes, adults can see things in a bigger picture and are more knowledgeable about being responsible for their actions.
It is our parent’s responsibility to open our eyes to both the good and the bad in the world. They will never be able to shield us completely—nor should they—but they should teach us to be accountable, responsible, and make more sound decisions. However, if you do make a mistake, remember that your parents and family will always be there to love, support, and help you get through it all.
Remember, mistakes don’t define you as long as you strive to bring out a better version of yourself. Keep this collection in mind whenever you need some advice or just a quick laugh!
Did these Juno quotes make your day better? Which character can you relate to the most? Share your thoughts in the comment section below!