110 The Simpsons Quotes on Love, Life, and Family

These insightful and humorous The Simpsons quotes are must-haves for any fan!

The Simpsons is a show that we can all say has changed our lives in one way or another. Its first episode was aired in 1989, but years after, the characters, the plot, and of course, all the lines are still deeply embedded in our hearts.

From Bart’s silly antics to Homer’s idiocy, and even up to Lisa’s unbelievable genius, The Simpsons is no doubt a cult favorite. But, what really helped it endure is the excellent writing that many people can relate to.

The series also delved into societal issues that we all think about. Topics are extensive as they range from education, family life, self-acceptance, and many more. So, if you want to know more about The Simpsons and what it has to offer, continue reading these quotes we’ve prepared for you!

Check the full list here.

And don’t miss out these Homer Simpson quotes and Bart Simpson quotes.

Best The Simpsons Quotes

1. “Remember, Dad, all glory is fleeting.” – Lisa Simpson

2. “Kids, just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I’m not listening.” – Homer Simpson

3. “Don’t you see? Getting what you want all the time will ultimately leave you unfulfilled and joyless.” – Lisa Simpson

4. “I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now.” – Homer Simpson

5. “I’ve learned that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.” – Homer Simpson

6. “It’s so simple to be wise—just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.” – Homer Simpson

7. “Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.” – Marge Simpson

8. “The problem in the world today is communication—too much communication.” – Homer Simpson

9. “Maybe there is no moral. Maybe it’s just a bunch of stuff that happened.” – Lisa Simpson

Famous The Simpsons Quotes

10. “I can’t believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off!” – Homer Simpson

11. “I never apologize—I’m sorry but that’s the way I am.” – Homer Simpson

12. “Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.” – Homer Simpson

13. “Dad, just for once don’t you want to try something new?” – Lisa Simpson

14. “I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: democracy simply doesn’t work.” – Kent Brockman

15. “Kids are great. You can teach them to hate what you hate and, with the Internet and all, they practically raise themselves.” – Homer Simpson

16. “Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.” – Homer Simpson

17. “All right, brain. You don’t like me and I don’t like you, but let’s just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.” – Homer Simpson

18. “I’m a white male, age 18 to 49. Everyone listens to me, no matter how dumb my suggestions are.” – Homer Simpson

Also read: Lisa Simpson Quotes, Ned Flanders Quotes

The Simpsons Quotes to Live By

19. “There’s only one thing to do at a moment like this: strut!” – Bart Simpson

20. “I guess some people never change. Or, they quickly change and then quickly change back.” – Homer Simpson

21. “When will I learn? The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV!” – Homer Simpson

22. “Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” – Homer Simpson

23. “Weaseling out of things is important to learn; it’s what separates us from the animals—except the weasel.” – Homer Simpson

24. “A gun is not a weapon, it’s a tool, like a hammer or a screwdriver or an alligator.” – Homer Simpson

25. “Facts are meaningless. You can use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true.” – Homer Simpson

26. “I want to share something with you: the three little sentences that will get you through life. Number one: cover for me. Number two: oh, good idea, boss! Number three: it was like that when I got here.” – Homer Simpson

27. Lisa Simpson: “History is written by the winners, Dad.”

Homer Simpson: “I thought it was written by losers.”

28. “Son, I know this seems like the biggest disappointment of your life, but trust me, there are going to be so many more. What you’ve got to remember is—oh my God, 13 men in the field! Review it, review it, review it! Yes! Play stands!” – Homer Simpson

Also read: Ralph Wiggum Quotes, Quotes to Live By

The Simpsons Quotes About Love

29. “That’s very nice, Dad, but it’s wrong for you to reward violent, competitive behavior. However, I will sit upfront with you if it’s a fatherly gesture of love.” – Lisa Simpson

30. “Marge, you’re my wife of 10 years and I love you, but I must observe the teachings of this man I just met tonight.” – Homer Simpson

31. “Homer, I like to think that I’m a patient, tolerant woman and that there was no line that you could cross that would make me stop loving you. But last night you didn’t just cross that line, you threw up on it!” – Marge Simpson

Also read: True Love Quotes, Love Quotes

The Simpsons Quotes by Homer Simpson

32. “It takes two to lie; one to lie, and one to listen.” – Homer Simpson

33. “I’m not normally a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.” – Homer Simpson

34. “Well, I hope you’ve learned your lesson, Lisa: never help anyone.” – Homer

35. “To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.” – Homer Simpson

36. “Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.” – Homer Simpson

37. “Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.” – Homer Simpson

38. “As soon as you stop this car, I’m gonna hug you, and kiss you, and then I’ll never be able to let you go!” – Homer Simpson

39. “Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.” – Homer Simpson

40. “If God didn’t want me to eat chicken in church, then he would have made gluttony a sin.” – Homer Simpson

41. “Between your genius and my nothing we make a great team, come on give me a hug!” – Homer Simpson

42. “Look Moe, the least you can let me do is anything I want.” – Homer Simpson

43. “If anyone asks you something you don’t understand, just say protons.” – Homer Simpson

44. “Just sit through this NRA meeting Marge, and if you still don’t think guns are great then we’ll argue some more.” – Homer Simpson

45. “No, no honey, I love everything you force me to do.” – Homer Simpson

46. “A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid center.” – Homer Simpson

Also read: King of the Hill Quotes, Hank Hill Quotes

The Simpsons Quotes by Marge Simpson

47. “You’re going to stay your current age for the rest of your lives.” – Marge Simpson

48. “I’m so embarrassed I wish there was a hole I could just crawl into and die.” – Marge Simpson

49. “I guess one person can make a difference. But most of the time, they probably shouldn’t.” – Marge Simpson

50. “If you raised three children who can knock out and hogtie a perfect stranger you must be doing something right.” – Marge Simpson

51. “You know the courts might not work anymore, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else justice will be done!” – Marge Simpson

52. “Halloween is a very strange holiday. Personally, I don’t understand it. Kids worshipping ghosts, pretending to be devils.” – Marge Simpson

Also read: Bojack Horseman Quotes, Adventure Time Quotes

The Simpsons Quotes by Bart Simpson

53. “I can’t promise I’ll try, but I’ll try to try.” – Bart Simpson

54. “Hey, cool, I’m dead.” – Bart Simpson

55. “Everything changes when you get to the big one-o. Your legs start to go, candy doesn’t taste as good anymore.” – Bart Simpson

56. “You’re asking the wrong guy, Milhouse, you’re asking the wrong guy.” – Bart Simpson

57. “She’s like a Milk Dud, Lis. Sweet on the outside, poison on the inside.” – Bart Simpson

58. “That’s not fair! I’m 10 times the Krusty fan you are. I even have the Krusty Home Pregnancy test!” – Bart Simpson

Also read: Rick and Morty Quotes, South Park Quotes

The Simpsons Quotes by Lisa Simpson

59. “Prayer. The last refuge of a scoundrel.” – Lisa Simpson

60. “Mom, look, I found something more fun than complaining!” – Lisa Simpson

61. “Does it make you feel superior to tear down people’s dreams?” – Lisa Simpson

62. “Come on, Bart. Cartoons don’t have to be 100% realistic.” – Lisa Simpson

63. “If you take away our cartoons, we’ll grow up without a sense of humor and be robots.” – Lisa Simpson

64. “I think you need Skinner, Bart. Everybody needs a nemesis.” – Lisa Simpson

65. “Dad, as intelligence goes up, happiness often goes down. In fact, I made a graph.” – Lisa Simpson

66. “I tried the coat hanger again. I don’t understand why we can only try ideas once.” – Lisa Simpson

67. “Don’t you think we ought to attack the roots of our social problems instead of jamming people into overcrowded prisons?” – Lisa Simpson

68. “My brother is using worms. But I, who feel the tranquility far outweighs the actual catching of fish, am using nothing.” – Lisa Simpson

69. “Bart, the only reason to apologize is if you look deep down inside yourself and you find a spot, something you wish wasn’t there, because you feel bad you hurt your sister’s feelings.” – Lisa Simpson

70. “They want sentiment? I’ll pump ’em so full of sap they’ll have to blow their nose with a pancake!” – Lisa Simpson

71. “I always knew someday Mom would violently rise up and cast off the shackles of our male oppressors.” – Lisa Simpson

72. “I learned that beneath my goody-two-shoes lies some very dark socks.” – Lisa Simpson

73. “It’s not funny, Bart. Millions of girls will grow up thinking that this is the right way to act—that they can never be more than vacuous ninnies whose only goal is to look pretty, land a rich husband, and spend all day on the phone with their equally vacuous friends talking about how damn terrific it is to look pretty and have a rich husband!” – Lisa Simpson

Also read: Family Guy Quotes, Peter Griffin Quotes

The Simpsons Quotes by Ned Flanders

74. “There are some things we don’t want to know. Important things.” – Ned Flanders

75. “Spend less time on your back and more time on your knees.” – Ned Flanders

76. “Well I can’t say for sure, but as a Christian, I assume the worst.” – Ned Flanders

77. “Call me Delta Airlines, because I can’t handle all your extra baggage.” – Ned Flanders

78. “That sounds salty, but you seem sweet. I’m going to call you kettle corn.” – Ned Flanders

79. “I’ve done everything the Bible says, even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!” – Ned Flanders

80. “Homer Simpson, I show you pity, and how do you repay me? With a kick in the kididdlehopper!” – Ned Flanders

81. “Just tell them that God wants them to ignore everything in their bodies that God is making happen.” – Ned Flanders

82. “Can I make my famous mimosa? A little sparkling water in a glass full of regular water?” – Ned Flanders

83. “Sorry is not just the most exciting board game ever devised, it’s a word I need to hear from you!” – Ned Flanders

84. “Bless the grocer for this wonderful meat, the middleman who jacked up the price, and let’s not forget the humane but determined boys at the slaughterhouse.” – Ned Flanders

Also read: Futurama Quotes, Zapp Brannigan Quotes

The Simpsons Quotes to Help You Become a Better Parent and Family Member

85. “This family has had its differences and we’ve squabbled, but we’ve never had knife fights before. And I blame this house.” – Marge Simpson

86. “What if you pretended that this couch was a bar? Then you could spend more nights at home with us. Huh?” – Marge Simpson

87. “Lisa, you’re learning many lessons tonight. And one of them is to always give your mother the benefit of the doubt.” – Marge Simpson

88. “The key to parenting is don’t overthink it. Because overthinking leads to—what we’re talking about?” – Homer Simpson

89. “These are Homer’s friends and family. They don’t want him dead. They just want him to suffer.” – Marge Simpson

90. “I think the saddest day of my life was when I realized I could beat my dad at most things, and Bart experienced that at the age of four.” – Homer Simpson

91. Homer Simpson: “I’m sorry, Marge, but sometimes I think we’re the worst family in town.”

Marge Simpson: “Maybe we should move to a larger community.”

Funny The Simpsons Quotes

92. “Operator! Give me the number for 911!” – Homer Simpson

93. “Me, fail English? That’s unpossible.” – Ralph Wiggum

94. “You can have all the money in the world, but there’s one thing you will never have—a dinosaur.” – Homer Simpson

95. “I’ll make the money by selling one of my livers—I can get by with one.” – Homer Simpson

96. “Oh, I have three kids and no money. Why can’t I have no kids and three money?” – Homer Simpson

97. “For once, maybe someone will call me ‘sir’ without adding, ‘you’re making a scene.’” – Homer Simpson

98. “Stupidity got us into this mess, and stupidity will get us out.” – Homer Simpson

99. “I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T, I mean S-M-A-R-T!” – Homer Simpson

100. “Stupid bus that can’t even go to the stupid place it’s supposed to stupid go.” – Lisa Simpson

101. “Volunteering is for suckers. Did you know that volunteers don’t even get paid for the stuff they do?” – Homer Simpson

Also read: Funny Quotes, Positive Quotes

Short The Simpsons Quotes for All the Fans

102. “I think women and seamen don’t mix.” – Smithers 

103. “Even communism works—in theory.” – Homer Simpson

104. “Why do my actions have consequences?” – Homer Simpson

105. “You don’t win friends with salad.” – Homer Simpson

106. “Lord help me, I’m just not that bright.” – Homer Simpson

107. “If he’s so smart, how come he’s dead?” – Homer Simpson

108. “Roads are just a suggestion, Marge, just like pants.” – Homer Simpson

109. “Don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them.” – Homer Simpson

110. “Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark.” – Nelson Muntz

Did These The Simpsons Quotes Motivate You to Be Yourself and Value Your Family?

The Simpsons is the longest-running TV series in American history. It has more than 30 seasons and has left us with memorable and hilarious quotes to share with everyone.

Aside from its iconic quotes, The Simpsons progressed into a great depiction of reality. It shows how families, despite their differences, manage to help each other overcome adversity. Even the tiniest scenes resemble what we go through in everyday life.

All the characters in the show have their unique qualities that get to shine in each episode. With that, The Simpsons is a reminder that life is more colorful when you have many different types of people who love and surround you. After all, nothing would move forward if we were all just the same.

We hope you learned a thing or two from this collection of The Simpsons’ best quotes. Don’t forget to share this list with your family and friends so they, too, get inspired and motivated!

What’s your favorite The Simpsons episode? Do you have any more quotes you’d like to share? Please, comment below!

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